


Stay (Levi/Reader)

by Smystical



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Childhood Friends, Eventual Romance, F/M, Family, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Other, Relationship(s), Romance, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:55:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 27,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25980100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smystical/pseuds/Smystical
Summary: You and Levi had been together as long as you could remember. You fought hard to survive day to day. As you grow up you don’t realize what it is you’re fighting for, or how long you’ll be able to last. All you know is you want to find your purpose. But perhaps it’s been with you all along...
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Annie Leonhart, Furlan Church/Isabel Magnolia, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader, Levi/Reader, Mikasa Ackerman/Eren Yeager, Oluo Bozado/Petra Ral, Sasha Blouse/Connie Springer
Comments: 24
Kudos: 184





	1. (Prologue)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! This is an idea I've had for a while now. I can't promise I'll be super consistent with updates because of college and all, but I'm going to try to update both stories. I have no idea where this story will lead, but it'll be fun to see where it takes us. Feel free to read and enjoy here and on my Tumblr blog. 
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/snk-headcanons-imagines
> 
> I really hope you all enjoy this story. Thank you all :)

Trigger Warning: Mentions of death (suicide)/angst

Prologue

_Do you ever wonder why it is you stay? Even after everything was lost? Even after nothing was tying you down to this life? Why? What was it that kept you coming back for more? What was it that kept you fighting?_

It felt like yesterday. You can still remember the smell. The distinct stench of death. The walls, rotting around you. The drip of the leaking faucet in your kitchen. The air pungent with dust, and every surface covered in grime. The pit in your stomach as you woke up that day.... not to the smell of whatever it was your mother had managed to scrape up. The breakfast you ate; but never realized until you had gotten older but found yourself wondering... how many men did she have to sell a piece of her soul to... just for me to eat for the day?

You remember the silence most of all. It had never been that quiet. Your small, dirty home had always been a reason for misery, but it was always filled with warmth somehow. With the warmth that she emanated. The small smile she gave you as she woke you up; excited to be able to give you food. The story she told you last night lingered in the back of your mind as you looked around the room.

_“The heroine is brave (Y/N)... she fights for what she wants and she never backs down to anyone... she fights to give those around her a better life. She fights for a reason to live.”_

_“But how mama? How do you find it? The reason?” You watched your mother’s eyes fill with tears. “Some people find it... and they hold on to it.... others ... as much as they want to stay, it becomes too painful...”_

_“I don’t understand what you mean...” You watch her kiss your forehead as you gaze at her through a haze of sleepiness and confusion._

_“You will.” She smiles with a hollowness in her eyes as she hums you to sleep. Maybe tomorrow you would be able to steal a pretty piece of jewelry from the merchants in the market to take away the emptiness in her gaze._

The memory departs as you swallow thickly. The smell comes from the closet. Your mind starts to come up with other reasons why it could be permeating the air in your small cramped room.

Maybe she had food that went bad? Mama did say she had a surprise for me. Maybe that was it...

Your small feet drag as you reach the closet, throwing open the door with an aching in your chest. The world around you seems to spin for a moment, and the sobs ripping through your frame render you unable to breathe for a few seconds. Your beautiful mother, gone.... lifeless.... beaten down by the cruel and disparaging world around you... Your first thought is... why? Why would she do this? Didn’t she know how much you needed her? Didn’t she know that doing this was essentially sentencing you to death? Did she even care? All those moments... the stories told by candlelight, the hard-earned pieces of stale bread, the nights spent singing you to sleep... were they just a lie? Had she planned this all along?

..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

The first few days without your mother were spent in a daze. Your whole body was numb for hours. You have a brief memory of going to the market and stealing bread.... of spending the day scrubbing the floors and worn-out furniture to keep it clean just like she would have wanted. Of laying her on the bed and sleeping on the cold, hard floor. The first few days of loneliness were the worst. The feeling of fear creeping in was suffocating. You realized you should have told her it would be alright. You could have given her a task to look forward to. You could have sung her to sleep just like she had always done for you.. or told her a funny story, the ones she loved to hear.

You realized that you hadn’t listened to the sound of her voice attentively enough. You hadn’t looked at her face long enough. You should have stayed awake to keep an eye on her like you had done times before. The days she would come home from the brothel and would weep at the foot of the bed. Weeping for what...you never knew. And you would never know. No one came to check on you. No one cared. That was the reality you came to realize those first few days. No one would care if you become a rotting corpse.

They’d simply come by for the rent and throw you out once they realized that you had no money. You came to the conclusion that if you wanted to survive, you needed to make connections, to become stronger. It was hard enough for girls, for women to make it by on something other than selling their bodies. Although at that time it wasn’t fully clear to you all that it entailed, the general gist of it was that it took away your mother from you. You knew if you could somehow make yourself worth something, you could live long enough to see the sunlight your mother always spoke about. To see the scenery you had read in a book she had never told you how she had acquired.

This couldn’t be all life had to offer you. This couldn’t be all you would ever know. The filth of the four walls encasing you like a coffin. You stood up, shook the dust off your clothes. You suddenly remembered the woman your mother was always with, would always talk about when she came home from her job. Maybe she could help, offer you a place to live. You had known her and her son well enough. Spent hours at their humble abode, the only company you and your mother had in this place.

_Kuchel..._

_Your mother walked alongside you. “I never want to see you in this part of town again! Am I understood?” She pulled you away from the building with an iron grip. Her delicate features were twisted in anger and fear._

_“I just... wanted to see you, mama. You’re always gone and you promised we would read tonight.” You said in a hushed tone._

_Her eyes widen as she pinches your arm. “Shh! Pipe down (Y/N).” At the sight of tears brimming in your eyes, she softens and sighs, kneeling down to your level. “Never mention that in the open. Do you understand? It’s dangerous.”_

_You nod and wipe at your nose with the sleeve of your baggy shirt. “Yes, mama.”_

_She kisses your cheek. “(Y/N), never follow me here. Never come here again okay? You’re too young for this. I’ll try to come home earlier from now on, though I can’t promise anything. How does that sound?”_

_Your (e/c) eyes brightened with joy. “I’d like that very much, mama.”_

_As you hug her you notice a woman approaching you. She was small, petite but the womanly features were evident through the thin fabric of the long white dress she wore. Her hair was the darkest ebony you’d ever seen; long and silky, almost reaching her waist. Her skin was like porcelain, but her eyes... you would never forget them as long as you lived. Smoky, silvery ash that shone with an emotion you rarely saw in your own mother’s eyes._

_“Olivia.” Her voice was like silk. Smooth, and gentle yet commanding attention._

_Your mother turned and smiled. “Kuchel. How nice to see you! This is my daughter, (Y/N).” You waved from behind your mother’s leg and smiled tentatively._

_“Hello, Ms. Kuchel.” She laughs and the sound brightens the atmosphere._

_“Hello there (Y/N). She’s so beautiful Olivia.”_

_Your mother gives her a proud smile. “Thank you, Kuchel.”_

_“I was just wondering if you wanted to come to my house tonight. I’ve gotten a bit more share tonight and I remember you saying you had a small daughter. You see, my son is a little older and doesn’t interact very much with the other children. I thought maybe it’d be nice if they met, and if we caught up with each other. It’s been months Olivia.”_

_You watched your mother look at you, as you pleaded with your eyes for her to accept. It’d been so long since you’ve talked to another child. The girl next door whom you used to talk to; and her mother had disappeared one day and never returned._

_Your mother nods. “We’d like that very much. Thank you for having us.” Your mother grabs your hand and you watch them as the three of you walk in the opposite direction of your home. Your mother had never been this animated with other people, it was nice to see she could forget about their circumstances and share a part of herself with someone else. Soon the three of you arrived at a small house and you watched as Kuchel opened the door._

_You were impressed with the little room. It might’ve been smaller than yours, but it was homely. You could tell Kuchel made an effort to keep it as clean as she could, just like your mother did. ‘It is harder to be sad if at least your surroundings are tidy’, your mother always said. Kuchel smiles as a small boy approaches her and hugs her. You stay behind your mother’s leg as the boy looks at the two of you tentatively. He was only a bit taller than you.. his black hair styled into an undercut, wearing one of his mother’s shirts. It was big on him, you were barely able to see his arms; only his bare feet. The one thing you did notice was the resemblance to the beautiful woman. The way they both lit up as they saw each other. How long had it been since your mother and yourself had been that happy after a long day of her away?_

_You were jealous. They had something you desperately wanted. Or more so, Kuchel did. She had a reason for joy._

_The boy watched you from behind his mother’s leg shyly and you felt your mother nudge you to introduce yourself._

_You stumbled forward a bit and put on a little smile. “Hi. I’m (Y/N).” Your hand extended forward, you patiently waited as Kuchel urged him to go on._

_“I...I’m Levi.” He shook your hand briefly, then went back to his mother’s side. Looking at you from head to toe, almost as if you were going to do something to him. You decided then you liked the sound of his voice._

_You knew he was someone you were going to get along with. Even if he was shy and cautious. The rest of the dinner was one of the happiest memories you had in your short life until now. Your mothers had spent hours talking, and you were excited to share all your ideas and stories with Levi. He spent most of the time staring at you, and only talking in short, clipped sentences; but you could tell he enjoyed hearing about the world above ground._

_The next few months were spent with Levi. Your mothers coming to an agreement that it was better if the two of you were together while they were gone. It was a way to compensate for the immense loneliness the two of you felt while they were at work. You smuggled the book in your shirt and read it aloud as the hours passed on. He only watched and spoke occasionally to ask questions. It was then you realized he didn’t know how to read. At least not comprehensively. Kuchel had taught him the basic alphabet, but he rarely practiced reading and writing since they had no books available in the Underground. Where your mother had gotten yours, you would never know._

_You practiced with Levi every day. The days that weren’t spent practicing with him were spent with him dragging you to the small spot where his mother took him to get sunlight. A small hole that gave you a glimpse of the freedom you would never be able to have._

_“Ma takes me here every week. When she’s not working.” He spoke softly as you stared up in wonder at the sliver of sunlight that hit your skin._

_“Why?” You tilted your head curiously._

_Levi looked back at you and furrowed his brows. “What do you mean why?” He blinked back at you in confusion._

_You sighed in exasperation. “Why come here? Isn’t it worse to sit here and stare up, knowing you’ll never be up there? To give yourself false hope? Why even come here at all?”_

_Levi stared back at you and shrugged. “It’s better than nothing at all. That’s what she tells me.”_

_You tilted your head upward and narrowed your eyes at the hole. As if it was taunting you, reminding you that you were nothing but an underground rat._

_“I want it all... or nothing at all.” You said resolutely._ ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

That was months ago. Come to think of it, it had been months since you had seen either of them. Your mother had suddenly announced one day that you weren’t going to be visiting them anymore.

You had cried and asked her why and she had harshly said, “Because it’s better that way.”

You hadn’t understood what she meant until you decided that you were going to see them. You carefully got the fire burning and made sure a few candles were lit. The illusion of life needed to be convincing, or someone would find out it was just you there now.

You wrapped yourself in your mother’s clothes and made your way to Kuchel’s home. A small kitchen knife inside strapped to you. As you hurriedly walked; the orange lights of the city illuminated the dark. You scoffed to yourself. As if those lights were meant to replace the natural sunlight human bodies desperately needed. You had seen the countless homeless people on the streets, legs bad because they had never gotten a glimpse of the sun.

Your heart pounded as you reached the door. Oddly enough, there was no light shining through the small holes of the “window” that were above what served as a stove. It was strangely quiet, and you couldn’t shake that same ominous feeling that you had a few days ago after finding your mother.

You knocked but got no response. After ten minutes of standing outside, you slowly reached for the doorknob. The door creaked as you turned the knob and an awful, pungent smell hit you so hard, you had to cover your mouth and nose to keep from gagging.

You coughed and your blood ran cold as you tried to regain your composure. You recognized that smell... all too well. As your eyes adjusted to the darkness, you almost wished you didn’t have the ability of sight.

The words your mother had said to you, echoed in your mind. ‘Because... it’s better this way...’

The woman atop the bed was not Kuchel. It was an empty, hollow shell of what had once been the most beautiful person you had ever known.

Her cheeks were sunken in and hollow. Her hair was devoid of the shine you had remembered. Her skin was gray, almost ghoul-like. Her teeth were protruding from her mouth, which was always smiling at both you and Levi after those long days that no one dared to speak about aloud. The room was filthy, dust and mold covered the walls. Most of all... it was the same silence that settled deep in your bones.

The kind of silence that seeped into your pores and left you numb. You didn’t see him until you called his name. “Levi?” You stepped inside and tried not to focus your gaze on the corpse on the bed.

“It’s me... (Y/N)... Please tell me you’re here... that you’re alive.” Out of the corner of your eye, you caught movement.

When he brought his head up from his knees you felt a sadness you would never feel for years to come after.

His hair was long, reaching past his hollow cheeks. His eyes seemed to bulge out of his gray skin. His mother’s shirt hung off his emaciated frame and guilt consumed you. Had no one come to check on them? How long has Levi sat in the corner of this room, like you had been doing for the past few days..? No one cared... not even your mother or... you.

You swallowed the lump in your throat.

Levi blinked at you and both of you stared at each other for the longest time.

An eternity passed before you cleared your throat. “Your hair is long. Longer than I remember.”

He grabs a hold of a lock of hair and lets it fall before staring at the bed. “Ma told me she would cut it when she got better.” His voice is raspy and nothing more than a whisper from misuse.

You strode across the room and sat next to him. “Why are you just sitting here? How long has it been since you’ve eaten... slept?” You looked over at him as he blinked and contemplated even answering you.

“What’s the point?” He said, no emotion whatsoever in his voice.

“My mom is dead too...” You blurted out. “I found her a few days ago... I’m sorry I haven’t seen you in months, I didn’t know that.....”

“That she was sick.” He finishes. He looks to you blankly. “Everyone knew, but... no one cared.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat and couldn’t fight back the tears streaming down your cheeks.

“I care Levi. I care that this happened. I’m sorry.....” You sobbed and took a deep breath to calm down.

Crying would solve nothing. It definitely wouldn’t keep you both alive.

“I’m going to get you some food from my house. I only have stale bread but....” His words from all those months ago suddenly made sense to you at that moment.

“It’s better than nothing at all..... I won’t leave you alone. Okay?” You pleaded for him to look at you, and when you finally did you could see his eyes finally light with an unreadable emotion.

“Why?” He rasps. “Why do you care?” Levi stares, waiting for your answer.

Moments go by as you utter aloud the painful, yet true sentence you hadn’t wanted to. It would only make this circumstance real and solid.

“You’re all I have left.”


	2. Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both you and Levi are now orphans, struggling to survive in the harsh environment of the Underground City. You have to adjust every aspect of who you are due to the unfortunate circumstances. Levi undergoes a drastic change of his own.

Two weeks. Two weeks is how long you've been providing for Levi. He's shown no significant change in his appearance, but you suppose you can't fault him for that. It's hard to muster up the courage to even wake up in the mornings, let alone go out into the world and try to save yourself from starvation. He spends his days on the floor, in the exact spot that you left him on that first night when you went to your old house for those few stale pieces of bread. He ate... no devoured the pieces before you could even hand them to him. Your heart clenched at the sight of him scarfing down the bread like it would be his last meal. 

And it was... for a while. It was extremely tough at first for you, who had never gone outside without your mother except for the first week when you had gotten lucky, to learn the art of theft and bargaining. More often than not, you were caught and had to run like the devil himself was after you, or your bargains turned out to be more like bluffs, which some caught onto. The only way you had been able to get lucky was when a few people had mercy on you and let you get away with shafting them. You had promised to steal merchandise in return for some food and coin. If only you could get the stealing part down, you knew you'd be set. 

Easier said than done. It's not as if you had much time.... the world would not take pity on you for long. It never took pity on anyone for too long. You knew this for a fact. Just when things would seem like they were going to be alright, something had to go wrong. Like finding your mother's corpse, finding Levi on the brink of death, or you nearing that brink yourself. Many times, the food you had gotten went to Levi. 

_'He needs it more than I do. He's been starving for months. I've only been starving for two weeks._ To this day you had no idea how he survived that long. He must've had to beg on the streets for food. The only logical reason you could come up with for how he hasn't died. Or why the ladies in the neighboring rooms seemed to shut their doors once they saw you. As if you were going to ask them for the same. Not that you blamed them for shutting their doors; they had their own selves to worry about, and they knew Kuchel, figured they'd do her boy a favor for a while. After that, he was on his own. Just like everything in the Underground, kindness was not in high supply. They had barely given Levi enough to satisfy his hunger. Not any more than you'd throw to a mutt on the street.

It was for this reason you would choose to go without it. You chose to take whatever was left of your former life with your mother and take it with you. You chose to leave her there, on that bed; just as she had left you without warning. You chose to sleep on the floor with no blanket or pillow as you had offered them to Levi, who had still refused to use it, sleeping on the bed next to his mother instead. Even in death, it was as if her comfort would never stop enveloping him. He chose to stay as close to her as he could before she completely faded away into dust. 

What must it be like to have a love so unconditional, in that the only way a mother would be separated from her child would be involuntary death? You suppose you wouldn't know, given the choice your own mother had made. 

As the days went on, and you felt hungrier than ever you decided that you hated her. Resented her for doing this to you. Resented her for being so weak. Even now, as you were starving and beginning to waste away, the urge to live and survive became stronger. Perhaps, out of spite, or the need to prove something. That you wouldn't let this world break you like it did others. There had to be a reason you were here. This could not be the only thing you will ever know, experience. Pain. Death. Suffering.

The book always glorified life as it was before when humanity was not depraved and people showed kindness and mercy to one another. Not... this. Whatever this form of society was you hated it. People spat on you if you begged, laughed at the bodies on the streets, ignored the gazes of hungry children as they walked. Even now you hadn't touched it, moved it from its place in your bag. It would bring back a rush of memories you were all too eager to forget.

The day you left and came back to an empty house started out as any other did. You got up, made sure there was enough stale, moldy bread for Levi to eat while you were gone. You tided up the section of the floor you slept on, and you would leave without waking him. You had heard him in his sleep, talking about, and to Kuchel. Reliving those happy days, he had with her in his mind over and over again before they could get a chance to slip away from his memory. You understood he needed that time and as much of it as was possible for him.

Hours passed with you attempting to steal a fruit this time, to which you almost got your hand cut off for. You barely had enough time to shove it into your clothes and pull the hood down so they wouldn't see who you were before a heavyset man was running after you. An intent to kill in his eyes.

_'Not like he needs it'_ You thought to yourself bitterly, on the way back to Kuchel’s. You clutched onto your clothes tighter as you walked, feeling eyes curiously glancing your way. By the time you reached the door, your food-deprived body was on the verge of collapse from the exertion of running and trying to steal without food in your stomach.

“Hey. I’m bac- “The words died on your lips as you opened the door to an empty room, save for Kuchel on the bed.

“L…Levi?” You briefly lit a candle just to look around the room, finding no one in there with you. Panic rose inside your stomach and you took a few deep breaths to calm down.

_‘Relax. Maybe he’s just gone out to do something. He is allowed to leave. You’re not his keeper or his mother.’_ Nodding to yourself you felt the panic die down. Sitting on the floor, with the fruits cradled in your arms, you waited…. And waited…...

One day passed. Then another. Another day. On the fourth day, you resigned yourself to searching through the streets of the Underground in a blind panic. What if he had gone out to look for you? You had taken extremely long that day. Or if someone had killed him on the street? What if starvation had finally taken a toll on his body and he chose to go outside and die with a view that wasn’t the dark, damp room his mother died in? So many thoughts crossed your mind in the span of those hours and days spent without him.

When you had finally exhausted yourself, you came to the conclusion that he wasn’t coming back, wherever he had gone to there was no return. He had left and you were now alone. Once again. Another person had walked out of your life without the slightest hint or explanation.

As you packed your belongings and left Kuchel’s place to go anywhere else, you pondered on the irony of the situation.

_‘This time I actually tried to help but, I guess I didn’t do much good. I hope wherever he is, he has it easier than I do.’_

Hours into days spent on the streets. Huddled into areas that weren’t damp from the leaking ceiling of the underground cave. Areas that weren’t rat-infested and didn’t smell like death. Days spent crafting your skills of theft. Earning a few bruises, then cuts, and finally graduating into one or two small scars from the scuffles you barely managed to make it out of alive. Finding a small, abandoned room where you set your things down and managed to craft some semblance of a home.

Nights where you stared at the walls, willing yourself to weep. Willing yourself to feel happy that you were at least alive and surviving by some miracle. Willing yourself to feel anything at all that wasn’t exhaustion, or the deep aching numbness that made itself a home in the dark recesses of your mind.

A lot of nights spent observing, waiting, shrouded in the darkness of alleyways; learning and absorbing the dealings that went on in the shady parts of town. Slipping away before anyone even noticed you were there. You supposed your small, short stature did count for stealth in this line of work. Perhaps where you lacked brute force, you could make up for it with speed, with quick powerful jabs. Taking the defensive stance and waiting for your opponent to give you the perfect opening to strike.

There were many of those down here. Groups of children your age trying to get by just as you were, older teenagers who were looking for someone to beat into submission, men who were looking to satisfy their dark desires in the dead of the night. You had dealt with a lot of those as the months dragged on. As your hair got longer, and your form started to fill out from being adequately fed. As your eyes lost the curious glint and started to shine with caution and admonishing.

Before you knew it, you could no longer close your eyes and remember what your old home looked like. You were beginning to forget the smell of the rose water your mother would douse herself in before a day of work. The feeling of having a brush run through your hair by her nimble fingers. The sight of the viewing hole Levi would take you to. The feel of the smallest sliver of sunlight upon your skin. It was beginning to all become a distant dream. Memories of another lifetime. A simpler life that wasn’t great, but just enough to want to stay and find out what was going to happen next.

You could expect the same thing in this life. Violence. Crime. Corruption. Debauchery. You had found none of those things in the small, cramped room you spent your early childhood in. Or in Kuchel’s room, where you had the company of another being that would be able to understand the sadness you felt each day at watching your mothers slowly waste away.

It would be a year and six months before you would see him again.

_…………………………………………………………………………………………………_

You were huddled in a corner of your small room, wrapping your leg in a torn piece of cloth from one of the articles of clothing you owned. Gritting your teeth, you sighed in exasperation.

_‘I can’t afford to keep getting hurt. I’m running low on clothes, and it’s not like I can go shopping.’_

The light of the lamps outside peeked in through the smallest opening in the wall next to the door.

_‘I have to leave this place as clean as possible. Don’t want anyone tracking me back here.’_

Rustling outside the door caught your attention. You wrapped a tight, painful knot around the wound on your leg and stood in the darkest corner, behind an old piece of furniture left behind by the previous owner, slowing your breathing and gripping your small knife tighter. A shadow loomed in the doorway as the door swung open and someone surveyed the room.

_You internally cursed yourself. ‘I was extra careful, and it still wasn’t enough. Damn bastards don’t give up, do they?’_

The figure moved around the room silently and picked up the small bag that housed most of your worldly possessions. Raising a brow, you rolled your eyes.

_‘Figures I would get a snoop. Not like they’re going to find anything worth…’_ Your eyes widened. The book. A book like that was rare, if not, nonexistent down here. They’d have to kill you before they would take it from you.

You waited until the figure scoffed and then moved closer to the other corners of the room inspecting every nook and cranny. As soon as they got close enough, you jumped. Missing your target, you almost landed face-first onto the floor, but managed to use your hands to push yourself upwards and onto your feet.

You watched the figure step out of the way as you lunged forward with your knife. Grabbing your arm and gripping it, the knife slips out of your hand. You use your other arm to push from their grip and sweep their legs with your uninjured one, almost catching them by surprise. They leap forward and press their knee into your back, gripping both your arms and holding them behind your back firmly.

“Are you an idiot?” The person asks, voice quiet but clearly irritated. A voice that made the blood run cold in your veins. This time, it sounded clearer, sharper, more abrasive than you had ever heard.

He lets you go, and you turn and watch the light from the doorway illuminate a face you thought you would never see again.

“Levi?” He catches your shocked gaze and nods.

“Who else would it be?” He crosses his arms and walks towards the wall to lean on it. Gaze impassive as he gives you a once over. He was different. His hair had the cut Kuchel used to give him. He was no longer emaciated and had meat on his bones, his figure leaning towards the lean, but fit side. His skin had some color, though it was still the shade of ivory you could remember all too well.

His eyes were so familiar, yet so distant. The same stormy shade of grey you could remember. They weren’t as big now. They were narrowed in apathy towards your form, but they held darkness to them that you don’t remember them having. He was wearing a pair of khaki-colored pants, and a black shirt. A dark brown sweater covered his arm past his elbow, but not all the way to the wrist. Simple black shoes adorned his feet.

“Are you going to say something, or are we going to stare at each other all day?” He stared down at his knife, cleaning it with a cloth as he spoke to you.

You felt anger boil up in you. The first raw, unbridled emotion in all the months you had spent in solitude.

“What? What the hell is wrong with you? Where have you been? Do you have any idea what I went through when you left?” You step closer with each question and narrow your eyes at him.

“I thought you were dead! You left without saying goodbye, then come back almost two years later and expect everything to be fine and dandy?!” Your chest heaved with anger as your hands shook from both excitement and fury.

“It took me a long time to find you. You’re harder to trace than I thought you would be.” He shrugs.

You huff and open your mouth to continue your angry tirade when he cuts you off. “Pick up your stuff. We’re leaving.”

You raised a brow. “We?”

Levi clicked his tongue in annoyance. “If you’d rather stay in this dump by yourself be my guest. Don’t say I never tried to help.” He stood straight and made his way to the door, and your heart jumped in your throat.

“No, wait!” He turned back and crossed his arms.

“Just let me pack up my stuff.” Which did not take long, considering you didn’t have much to take in the first place.

All the while, Levi stood observing every inch of your body, taking in how much you’d changed since the days spent in his mother’s room. How much duller your once bright eyes were. How your delicate hands looked rougher than he remembered. Your form grew a few inches, your cheeks looked fuller.

Good. At least you were growing somewhat. Better than he had been doing in the last year. He always wondered what had become of you. Did you hate him for leaving? Did you even survive without having someone to look after and worry about? You were never good at taking care of yourself. Since he had known you, you always worried about him, your mother, even the people you saw on the street. Always stopping to give pleasant conversation.

Those nights that he spent with Kenny; he would dream about his mother. He always had since she had died. Then they became about the two of you. You reading him your book, showing him an occasional drawing from the book. Days spent pouring over the alphabet, learning how to spell colors, numbers, and his own name.

He dreamt of the two of you sitting beneath the opening. Listening to your ramblings about anything and everything. He always wondered how you were so damn smart for your age. How a strange feeling at the pit of his stomach always stirred whenever he would get a whiff of your hair as you walked with him through the dimly lit streets before your mothers could find out you had both left.

He would dream of hearing you and his mother laugh about his fascination with tea and fancy looking clothes from above ground. Teasing him, saying he was too good for the two of you. Then he would frown, angry the words ever left your lips.

_‘It’s the other way around. They’re too good for me. That’s why they didn’t last. Nothing good ever lasts.’_

That’s what Kenny told him, those first few nights he had nightmares of his mother. She didn’t last because she was too good. Too weak.

_“You’ve got to learn how to be strong. Be useful in a fight. Do you know what being good’s gonna get ya in this life, runt? Dead. Just like Kuchel.”_

The words stung, made him angry the first few times. Over time he had learned to listen, to learn, to absorb what he was being taught. He learned to numb himself to the feelings that bubbled up when he would start to think too much about his past life. It hurt too much because he knew it was gone forever.

Or so he thought. Until after Kenny had abandoned him and he was slumming it on his own, did he allow himself memories of you. Then he heard one of the scums in the market talking about a thief. He heard more talks on the streets of a young girl who could steal faster than you could blink. Who had fought and injured some members of the local gang of thugs he hated. The garbage that picked on innocent citizens who were defenseless. People that reminded him of you in that room after his mother died.

He had taken months to find you and was ignoring the feeling he got in his chest when he finally found this stupid abandoned building. He knew it had to be you. He didn’t know why but he could feel it in his bones. And he just knew he had to take you to his home. Where he could keep an eye on you. Just like you did for him when he needed it.

_……………………………………………………………………………………………………._

You both reached a small room in a secluded area of town, where a few people had looked away from Levi’s direction as he led you to his home. He opened it, and you were shocked at how small, yet clean it was. It had the basic items, which was all you asked for. You had gotten used to being grateful for the bare minimum.

He walked to an old mattress on the floor and lay down in it.

“Make yourself at home.” He leaned back on his crossed arms and closed his eyes.

You stood awkwardly before taking him up on his offer and placing your things on the opposite side of the room.

You watched him until you couldn’t stand the silence anymore. “Levi.”

He opened an eye and looked over at you. “Hmm?”

“Why’d you bring me here?” He opened both eyes at your question and sat up, staring at you with an intensity you didn’t understand.

“Isn’t it better than being alone?” He questions

You frown. “Well, yeah…but it’s been so long. You remembered me and came back to me. Why?” You crossed your arms and watched him contemplate his words for a long time before answering in a tired, oddly wistful tone.

The shy, friendly boy you had known had undergone such a change; you weren’t sure you knew him at all anymore. Both of your old selves were gone. Lost to the sands of time and misery.

“You did the same for me all that time ago…… Besides…. You’re all I have left.”


	3. Missed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi's guilt of leaving you behind has been plaguing him for the longest time. Now that he has you back, will it be the same? Will the two of you be able to adjust? Will you trust each other enough to survive?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely people! I hope you're all enjoying the story so far. I know I'm enjoying writing it, far more than I have for a fic in a long while! In this chapter, I wanted to try something a bit different. Levi is said to be the most emotional character in AOT, and it was interesting to write this chapter mostly from his point of view. He's a very complex character to write, and the line between what I think he would do and what he would do canonly is a bit blurred. Nevertheless, it's an interesting challenge to write him. I do imagine he has all these thoughts running through his head but never says them aloud because he doesn't know how to express them. I also thought it would be interesting to give him a chance to feel mourn his mother. I find his dynamic with Kuchel very intriguing and don't find a lot of fics that elaborate on them. She had a lot to do with how compassionate he is, deep down I believe. Also, she gave us Levi, so the queen deserves recognition <3 I also think his life would've been so different if he had someone beside him all those years :(
> 
> I'm looking forward to writing more while sticking to the original story, with a few tweaks here and there. If at any point I'm deviating from the main plot I'll give a fair warning. Hope you all enjoy <3

For Levi to say that he missed you would be an understatement. It wasn’t as simple as that. There were many things that he missed. He missed waking up to the melodic humming of his mother’s sweet voice. He missed waking up to her brushing her fingers through his long hair and saying she would give him a cut when she felt better. He missed playing shadow puppets and sitting on her lap as they both looked up at the opening.

If he closed his eyes, he could almost remember her voice as she spoke to him about the world above ground. About her childhood, on the farm with her grandpa whom he would never get to meet. She rarely mentioned her parents, so he assumed she didn’t talk to them or they had died long ago.

_“How come you came down here mama?” Levi blinked up at Kuchel curiously. Watching as a melancholy look glazed over her beautiful eyes._

_"I had no choice little one. One day Levi, when you’re older you’ll understand.” She scratches the shaved part of his undercut with her nails softly and he sighs in contentment._

_“Why do you bring me here mama? I’m not growing.” He pouts and crosses his arms._

_Kuchel laughs and hugs him. “It doesn’t work like that Levi. It’ll take time to grow, but you just wait and see. You’re going to be the most handsome man; I just know it.”_

_“When I get big, I’m going to take us out of here ma, and then I’ll buy you one of those flowers you’re always talking about.” Kuchel looked down at him tenderly and kissed his forehead softly._

_“It doesn’t matter to me that you become strong Levi, I just want you to promise me one thing.”_

_Levi looked up at her and nodded, ready to commit to any promise he made her because as she taught him, you never break a promise._

_“Be a good man above all.”_

If his mother had gotten a proper burial, he was sure that she would be rolling over in her grave if she saw him now. It didn’t take long for that dream they both had to be ground into the dirt and stomped on.

He would never get to take her out of the hole they lived in. He wouldn’t get to buy her the flower, or anything at all. She would never live long enough to see him reach the end of the first decade of his life. Most of all, he would break his promise to her years after he had made it. He wasn’t good, not inherently anyways. He hasn’t been good the past year of his life. Nothing that he did benefit others. It didn’t help make another person’s life better. It only served his own purpose. His own survival. That was all he was taught had any value in his life.

Fight. Survive. Live.

That was all there was to it. It didn’t get much better than this. The simple fact of life was that it was unfair. It took without mercy and gave no time to adjust before throwing another tragedy in his face. Some people down here didn’t even get the luxury he did, the luxury of survival skills. Survival instincts. Most died like dogs, covered in filth and mud, and not worth a second glance.

Missed was too uncomplicated a word to describe what he felt towards the easier days. What he felt for his mother and for you. Longing was a better word. He longed to feel his mother’s warmth as she hugged him those nights that he cried after she came home from work littered in bruises and her cheeks tear-stained. He longed to see her wake up again and give him the smile that would brighten even the darkest of days. He longed to touch her face gently when she was asleep, and he would vow to himself that this wouldn’t be the rest of her life. Not if he had any say in it.

He longed for those days spent on the floor with you. The days where you would excitedly rush over and flip through the heavy book you always snuck with you. Where you would show him drawings and explain to him what they meant, what they were. When you would come to the opening with him and lie on your back, staring up the sliver of light with a determination he hadn’t seen in anyone’s eyes before.

He longed to hear you go on about whatever mundane thing you could find to talk about, because the silence was too much to bear, and he didn’t know how to fill it. He longed to have those conversations with you. You, the only child who didn’t turn away and look at him strangely or laugh at him when they thought he wasn’t looking. The one person who didn’t judge that he mostly wore his mother’s shirts because that was all they had. Or that he didn’t own a pair of shoes. You understood what poverty was. You understood what filth was. You understood what it was like to go to bed hungry.

Even if you hadn’t, he had a feeling you wouldn’t judge him anyway. You weren’t like that. You were kind and understanding. You gave him his space when he needed it and were happy to show him how to read and spell. Your patience had no bounds. Even when he wondered why someone as special as you were friends with someone as lonely and dull like him. You gave him company, filled the void that threatened to consume him whenever his mother left for work. He would never forget it, as long as he lived.

He will never forget that you came to see him when he thought he might as well just lay down next to his mother and let death consume him. He will never forget that you offered him warmth and comfort. Offered him food, even when he began to hear your stomach grumbling through the night. When your cheeks began to hollow out and your skin started to cling to your bones. ‘When Kenny came to his house and Levi left with him, he wondered how long it would be before he came back. He wished he could leave you a note or something to tell you where he had gone. He figured he would have to wait and see what happened.

All thoughts ashamedly left his mind when he reached the pub. When he finally got his hands on warm, not stale bread. A warmed potato. When he was scarfing down the food so fast, he thought he would be sick. When all the men at the establishment gave him strange looks, but he couldn’t will himself to care. All those thoughts left his mind when he was taken in by the mysterious man whom had known his mother. When he was taught to swing a deal. As he sat in countless bars, stood in dark alleyways and watched Kenny from afar on how to bargain for money.

When he was handed a large knife for the first time and told to swing at him. When countless times he ended his lessons with a bloody nose, a black eye, or a knife cut. When his face was pushed down into the dirt as he was taught to fight like his life depended on it. Because it did. All those months he was regaining his strength, coming back from the brink of death the thoughts of you had ceased. It was only at night, when he attempted to rest atop the dirty pillow Kenny had given him, that he allowed his mind to wander for a few minutes. Then, he would get scolded for daydreaming about “shit that didn’t matter.”

It was like that for a long time. Pushing down the misery that bubbled up in his throat late at night. Keeping his face and voice impassive as he watched Kenny beat the shit out of someone who had rubbed him the wrong way.

Blinking back his tears as he held his mother’s shirt to him, the only article even resembling a blanket. Her scent was by now long gone, a scent that he was starting to have trouble remembering. He had many, many memories of her to live on. They were just getting hazier with each face he punched in. Each set of ribs he broke. Each person left bleeding by their encounters.

The only time he had let himself mourn her was when his hair was getting long……

_Every time he swung, his ebony locks obscured his view, and it was getting annoying having to tuck his hair behind his ears. His bangs were starting to fall into his eyes, and now not even blowing them with a puff of air was enough to keep them from falling back into place._

_He stood on a stool, in front of the dirty mirror in their makeshift home. Kenny had told him that it was about time he cut his hair, before it would get his way in a fight. His own pitiful reflection stared back at him. If he looked hard enough, he could see her behind him, her arms on his shoulders as he held up the only mirror they had and reassured her that he loved his haircut._

_A few months had passed since Kenny took him from that dark room and brought him to live with him. He hadn’t even thought about his appearance since he was far too busy worrying about how he was going to survive another day of the harsh training he was put under._

_Kenny looked at him, directly at him with the strangest look in his eyes. Almost as if he pitied him. As if for a split second he was sorry for all the suffering he had undergone._

_He cleared his throat. “You know kid…... I know this lady that cuts hair. She charges a pretty penny, but I’m sure I can getcha a deal.” He blows a puff of cigar smoke and watches his face carefully, eyes blank as tears start to silently roll down Levi’s face._

_“I can do it.” He grabs the razor and the hair clippers and gets to work. Trying his hardest to remember how it was exactly that Kuchel used to cut it. At the end, it looks almost the same as she used to cut it, save for a few uneven strands of hair. It would do for now._

_Levi wipes the tears off his face with his sleeve and cleans the hair off his clothes and the floor around him._

_Kenny hums to himself watching the kid regain his composure. “Not bad.”_

_……………………………………………………………………………………………………………….._

It was stupid, but after a few weeks he accepted Kenny wasn’t coming back. It wasn’t rare that he left him alone for a week or two while he went off to do who knows what; but after the second week had passed, he realized he really was on his own. He didn’t want to believe it, even as he saw the look on his face as he stared at him one last time, then turned around and walked away as if he never knew him. Maybe if he fooled himself into thinking he was busy and had a big job to pull off, it wouldn’t sting as much as it did. To know that he had finally tired someone out and he didn’t care enough to come back and see him through.

Even if he was a complete jackass, it was better than having no one at all. For the first time since those months he spent on his floor with his mother's rotting corpse, Levi was completely alone. He should’ve been used to it, but for some reason it left a hollowness in the pit of his stomach. He got himself thinking about you. Suddenly, he needed to know where you were. If you were even alive. He needed to see if the longing he felt was because deep down, he knew you were alive.

If you weren’t…… he didn’t even want to think about that. That’s why he moved with haste. Put all his training to good use. Listened, watched and waited. He went back to your old house, only to find another family already inhabiting the place. He didn’t dare go back to his. He knew you wouldn’t be there and setting foot in that direction made him uneasy.

He spent a lot of time trying to think of what it is that you would do. Tracing steps and asking questions. When he finally pinned down an address to the shittiest, most abandoned part of town the lump in his throat grew. The thought of you dirty, alone and miserable made him furious. At nobody but himself for allowing that to happen to another person he knew…. The only person left that he knew. That knew him, truly.

He was going to find you and bring you back. Even if he found you and you were angry at him. Even if you put up a fight and lied to his face, telling him you didn’t want to see him ever again after what he did to you. He could tell when you were lying so easily. Had seen you lie to your mother those days after she would ask if you did anything special, anything new. She never caught on. He figured she didn’t observe you as he did. Every feature of your face was committed to his memory. Imprinted onto his mind. He wouldn’t let you slip from his grasp this time. You were going back to him where he could keep an eye on you. Feed you. Give you cleaner clothes. A mattress. A pillow. Your own cup for water. A knife for protection.

He was going to do it because it was the right thing to do. Because it was good. After all that time, he needed to do something good. Needed to fulfill the promise he made to her all those years ago. It was the only thing he had left.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………....................................................................................

He didn’t mean to sound like a jerk when he went to get you, but it had been so long since he’d seen you, he didn’t know how he was supposed to act. He could feel the nervousness creep up as soon as he opened the door and saw your belongings strewn across the room. He couldn’t help himself from ruffling through your stuff, and he knew he was being a terrible snoop, but he didn’t care. This bag indicated you were alive enough to take your belongings elsewhere. If only you would come out from behind the old couch.

Yes, he could tell you were there. As much as you slowed your breathing and attempted to not make a sound, he knew you were hiding because you were scared. Levi approached the couch, prepared to reassure you it was him when you jumped, catching him by surprise for a split second, his reflexes then kicking in. As the two of you scuffled around a bit, he noted you had indeed picked up some useful skills, but it worried him that he was still able to overpower you. He needed to teach you all his techniques and hope that you would commit them to memory. When he took you home, he wouldn’t be able to protect you 24/7.

Levi’s reaction to your anger was instinct at this point. He learned to react to hostility with either cold indifference, or hostility of his own. He was surprised that he felt so disappointed that you weren’t happy to see him after all this time, as he had felt the tendrils of joy tickle his skin for what felt like the first time in years.

Since when did he become such a sentimental bastard? Kenny would’ve knocked some sense into him by now, for acting like such a fool. He feigned nonchalance when he told you he wouldn’t care if you stayed here. He was walking slowly on purpose, hoping that you would tell him to stay; that you did want to come with him. When the words finally left your lips, he was thinking about all the stuff he would have to adjust in order to assimilate himself into living with another person. All those months of solitude, he had adjusted. Now he had to feed two mouths, clothe two people. Make sure there was enough water to keep you both clean. Levi didn’t mind. It’s something he would do for you without hesitation.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………...........................................................

The next few minutes were spent in an awkward silence. After Levi admitted to you that you were all he had left you hadn’t known what to say. Truthfully, him saying that reminded you that now it was up to the two of you to look out for each other again. While that was a comfort, it also worried you. Just what had he gone through to become the way he is now? He seemed closed off, distant and cold. It was a personality shift you’d have to get used to.

“Levi.” He leaned his back against the wall and watched you as you contemplated what you were going to say next.

“What happened to you?” His eyes widen just a bit and he crossed his arms.

“I got stronger, faster.” You roll your eyes in exasperation.

“Yes, I know that, but I mean… how? Someone must’ve taught you that.” He stayed silent, staring at the floorboards beneath you two.

“I didn’t know him when he came to get me. Said his name was Kenny, and somehow, he knew my mom. Then he fed me, took me in and trained me, left me. I looked for you, and that’s all there is to it.” Your eyes widened

“He knew your mom?” Levi sighed. “Weren’t you paying attention (Y/N)? I said he did.”

“I was just asking a question jeez. You’re a lot testier than I remember.” He narrows his eyes at you.

“I wonder why that could be. Maybe because we’re living in a shit hole?” His tone became clipped and cold. The words shouldn’t have bothered you, because they were the truth, but for some reason they did.

“Look, I didn’t have to come back with you, but I did. I didn’t think you were transformed into a major jackass in such a short amount of time. I’m just trying to understand. Why you left…. Why you didn’t even say goodbye… why you even brought me back when it seems you don’t even want me here.” Your eyes shift to the wall in frustration and he clicks his tongue.

“I’m… I’m sorry. Okay? I didn’t mean to leave you like that, and I didn’t want any of this to happen, but it did. I figure our chances are better if we help each other out.” Levi gave you the same look as before, but his eyes now had a different shade to them. Almost as if he was pleading for you not to stay angry with him. To forgive him.

You sighed. “I’m sorry too. I don’t blame you. You did what you had to do, and I can respect that.”

His tone turned reticent and you almost didn’t hear him. “I did it for us, so we could survive. I was no good to you before, and now I am.”

_‘You were always good to me. If only you had any idea how much you mean to me.’_

Your face softened as his confession and you reached over and took his hands in yours, missing the way his eyes widened slightly and his breath hitched.

“We will survive Levi. We’ll get out of this hellhole and we’ll see the outside someday. Together.” Your determined look gave him the refreshment and reassurance he desperately needed, and he squeezed your hands gently.

"Together.”

And so, it was. From that day on the two of you were a team. He taught you everything he thought would come in handy in a fight. As the months went on, you realized that he was a lot gentler with you in general than with anyone else. Very subtle ways of showing you that he cared. Whether it was sometimes skipping meals so you could eat, or patching you up after a rough job, or reminding you that you could stay home while he went out; you knew that he was doing it because he really wanted to help. Even if he still needed to work on his awful delivery.

It was endearing to watch him get so angry whenever someone insulted you on the street. Or the way he seemed relaxed in the evenings the two of you had done well. You had even taken out the book again and spent time reading and spelling with him. Those were the best days when it was just you two alone in the candlelight; huddled together for warmth because the blanket had worn out.

Secretly you made up excuses to be close to him. You would tell him the blanket wasn’t enough warmth or say that there was no more space on the worn-out mattress. He could tell you were lying, but he didn’t say a word about it.

He would simply “Tch” and pull you close. He hoped you couldn’t hear how fast his heart would beat when you were in his arms. Or how when he was sure you were asleep; he would bury his face into your hair and promise you a better life. The rare, gentle touches he allowed himself on your cheek when you were dreaming. As he got older, it was tougher to sleep next to you without it becoming embarrassing. His body was growing, and so were…...certain things when you slept in such close proximity. He would try to think of something awful to calm the blood pumping in his veins and pray to whatever entity existed that you wouldn’t wake up.

As you got older, you became the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. Your figure filled out, and you started to become sharper in business dealings. Your fighting skills rivaled his, and he couldn’t help but be filled with pride when watching you teach someone a much-needed lesson.

Unfortunately, he also noticed how the men around you took notice of your beauty. As soon as he did, this innate desire to protect it overtook him. You were his. He was the one you had shown your most intimate self to. The gentlest side to you. It was all supposed to be meant for him……

Even if he would rather lick the floor than ever admit these thoughts to you out loud.

Levi was sixteen years old when he realized he would kill for you.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………….................................................................................................

“I told you already (Y/N). I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go alone. I should go with you.”

You shook your head. “No Levi. Your leg is still healing. Besides, it’s a surprise that I’ve been saving up for.”

He clicks his tongue and his tone becomes worried. “Fine. Take your knife and don’t eat shit. Be back here as fast as you can.”

You nod and kiss his cheek. “I will be.” Your face turned red.

_'Where in the hell did that come from?’_

Levi’s eyes widened then returned to their normal state. His skin felt like it was ignited by the hottest flame whenever you touched him. He was sure if you stayed any longer, he would spontaneously combust.

“Well? Get out.” You laughed and rolled your eyes. “Bye grumpy.”

He flipped you off as you walked out the door and you smiled. If only he knew what he was about to get, you knew he’d swallow his words. You’d spent all your money buying a rare tea set just for him. You knew he loved having tea, and when the two of you could afford it, he would save it only for the rare occasions. It bothered you watching him drink shitty tea in a tin cup because it was all you had.

_‘Well, this tea set is the first step. When we leave this dump, I’m going to make sure he drinks only the finest brews. The ones those noble assholes drink up there.’_

As soon as you reached your destination the shady guy you made deals with looked around to make sure you weren’t being watched. You handed him the bag of money and nodded.

“Thanks Sam.” He nodded his head and waved his hand to shoo you off.

“Yeah, yeah no problem. Now get out of here kid.” You smiled sarcastically.

“Such a gentleman.” He furrows his brows. “And you’re a pain in my ass. Goodbye.”

“One of these days you’re going to regret being mean to me.”

Sam rolled his eyes and you laughed as you walked away from him. Reveling in his exasperated expression.

As you walked home, the giddiness started to consume you. This was going to be Levi’s present this year. Last year, the two of you could barely afford clothes on your backs, but this year it seemed luck had rained down on you. You couldn’t get anything for his birthday, and it had upset you, even if Levi told you not to worry about it.

_“Don’t worry about me brat. I don’t even celebrate that shit.” He ruffled your hair and you huffed, annoyed._

_“That’s not the point! You should get a present, you deserve one!” His eyes soften at your upset expression._

_“There’s always next year (Y/N).”_

_‘It’s my favorite day of the year. It gave me you.’_

_‘I already have my present. I don’t need anything else.’_

_The two of you gazed into each other’s eyes until Levi broke the silence._

_“Why don’t you read me that stupid story again? The one with the knight and the princess.”_

_He hated that story but wanted an excuse to listen to your voice without it being weird._

_“You hate that story.” You raised an eyebrow._

_“I regret saying anything.” He deadpanned. You laughed, and to him, it was the most magical sound._

_“Fine. You know, one of these days, I’m going to write my own story.” He raises a brow._

_“Oh yeah? What’s it going to be about?” He crosses his arms and his lips twitch ever so slightly._

_“About a grumpy old man that lives in a child’s body.” All mirth disappeared from his gaze as he glared at you._

_“Fuck off (Y/N).” You laughed as he ground his teeth. The rest of the night you read him the story, before falling asleep on the mattress you two shared._

_He got underneath the thin blanket you two had and put the book to the side before hugging your back. Levi kissed your temple before letting sleep claim him. Little did he know you weren’t fully asleep. How your heart leaped into your throat and you didn’t get any rest that night. Too consumed by the feeling of his lips on your skin._

………………………………………………………………………………………………………................................................................................................

The memory left you warm, and you walked even faster. Eager to get home to Levi and give him his surprise.

As you rounded the corner a group of boys older than you stood in wait. You had to stop yourself from crashing into them, as one of them gave you a leery smile.

“Why are you in such a hurry doll? Got a man to get home to? I’m sure he wouldn’t mind sharing.”

_‘God, I want to punch this piece of shit’s face in so bad, but I also want to get home. I need to get this to Levi before something happens.’_

“It’s frankly none of your business. Now, if you’ll excuse me.” You attempted to push past him, but he grabbed at your arm with an iron grip and you grit your teeth.

“Fine. You asked for it.” You made sure your bag was strapped tight around your body before turning and punching him so hard, you heard his nose crack from the force of your fist hitting his face.

His friends growled as he crumpled to the ground. “Little bitch! You’ll pay for that!”

As you dodged their attacks the one that had been incapacitated by you earlier rose and approached you with a small pocketknife. You felt him coming closer and reached for the knife you strapped to yourself, only to feel terror course through your veins as you felt nothing.

_‘Shit! I left it at home!’_

One of the men took advantage of your temporary distraction and ripped the satchel from your body with force while the other one restrained you.

You grit your teeth and watched as he took the set out of the bag.

“Ha! Look, boys! Princess here thinks she’s royalty. A fancy-ass tea set. Wonder who you had to fuck to be able to get that.”

“Don’t!” Your eyes widened in horror as he dangled the cup from its handle. Time seemed to slow down as you watched it fall and shatter onto the ground.

“You’ll pay for that asshole!” A hand smashed so your head into the ground so hard, your ears started to ring. You could see black dots swimming in your vision, and you forced yourself to stay awake.

_‘I’m sorry Levi.’_

One of them tore a piece of clothing and used it as a makeshift gag, tying it around your mouth and you felt the tears well up in your eyes as you tried to make a sound. Call out for help somehow.

The teen you had punched earlier, wiped the blood off his face and proceeded to cut your shirt open. The tearing sound louder than anything you had ever heard in your life, as you thrashed around in resistance.

_‘Since when I am so useless, so helpless?’_

His friend growls and pulls harshly at your (H/C) hair. “Stay still slut. It won’t take long.” His hot breath tickled your ear, and you wanted nothing more than to lose consciousness, but the darkness wouldn’t consume you.

The one holding your satchel had fully broken every piece you had been so careful to select for Levi and out of the corner of your eye, you could see the shards of glass on the floor.

………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Levi rounded the corner as he cursed himself for hurting his leg as he rushed through the streets.

_‘She’s taking so goddamn long.’_

In the distance, he could hear laughs, sounds of a fight, and glass shattering on the floor. The bad feeling in his gut only got stronger as he reached the source of the sounds. There you were, surrounded by those assholes that had been lingering around his building for a few months. You were on the floor, gagged and thrashing around, your shirt ripped open to expose you in the most humiliating way. From the blood pouring out from the side of your head he could tell you were disoriented.

Instinct took over as he took out his knife and started to fight the one holding up your satchel. He dodged his amateur punches and waited for the opening, before slicing a gash across his chest.

The other two started to attack him, and he knew he had the upper hand until a sharp pain shooting up his leg left himself open for one of them to kick him in the back. The ground was hard landed on the left side of his body in an attempt to break his fall but achieved nothing except knocking the wind out of himself.

The biggest teen took the opportunity to knock the knife out of his hand and proceeded to smash his fist into Levi’s face over and over again. He could feel his nose break, his vision blur, and the blood he was now starting to cough up over his opponent, which in turn seemed to provoke him further.

(Y/N) was now thrashing and attempting to scream through her gag at the sight of Levi getting his face pounded in. Levi could feel himself starting to lose consciousness, and everything seemed to be happening in slow motion. The sound of your cries, the broken glass….

Then he saw out of the corner of his vision the piece of shit straddle you and what happened next was one of the defining moments of his life. It was like a switch went off in his brain and he felt a calm wash over him. His veins felt like they were thrumming with pure, unadulterated rage; but also, a strength he had never experienced before. Levi knew what he had to do. He had to make sure you were safe.

He blacked out. The only thing he remembers is the sound of his knife puncturing flesh and fists breaking bones. He didn’t register the blood splashing across his face. He didn’t register you trying to speak through the gag, urging him to stop. They were already dead ten times over.

He remembered the rest as if he was watching himself. He untied the gag, took off his bloodied sweater, and covered your exposed body then picked you up and made his way home.

It wasn’t until he reached the room, he even realized that all of that was because you were going to gift him that broken tea set.


	4. Protection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi takes you back to your shared house, and the first time ever loses his grip on his temper. Is he really angry at you, or at himself?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Thought I'd write a little chapter with a bit more dialogue that's really like a filler that gives a glimpse at how close Levi and the Reader have gotten. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy <3

Levi said nothing as he placed you down onto the mattress you both shared, but by the way he had slammed the door when he entered and was now ruffling through whatever medical supplies you had left, you could tell he was furious.

His face, neck, and arms were all covered in blood. You had never seen him become that violent before. All you knew was that one minute, you were watching his face get pounded by a male that was three times his size, and then you heard a gurgling sound and saw Levi stab the rest of them like a phantom. His movements were lightning-quick, his stabs precise, and he had a fluid and effective rhythm to his attacks.

He had gone into a blind rage, and you would be lying if you said seeing him like that didn’t terrify you. You knew he would never hurt you, just like you knew he was adept at fighting, but this…. This was on another level. It was eerie just how extremely he had murdered those three men.

A part of you felt really horrible. Had you listened to him and made sure to take your knife or maybe taken him with you, none of that would’ve happened. He wouldn’t have blood on his hands, on behalf of you.

He brought you back to reality as he stalked over and grabbed your head as if you were made of porcelain, examining the side that had been slammed to the hard ground. You didn’t even register the blood trickling down your temple or the blue-black bruise that had formed. That side of your head felt a little swollen, but other than that, you were relatively unscathed.

Levi looked worse for wear. One eye was swollen shut and the other had a nasty looking bruise forming. His face and neck were littered with cuts and bruises, and you were sure he had hurt his ribcage on the left side. His knuckles were battered and bruised from the brute force he used when he wasn’t wielding his knife. Now it wasn’t just his leg he had to deal with. He was effectively out of commission thanks to you.

“Levi…” He growls at you and holds your head still.

“Shut up and don’t move (Y/N).” His voice sounded more like a snarl; tight, and gravelly. As if he was biting his tongue to keep from unleashing his wrath on you.

His voice was a huge contrast to his hands, that touched you so tenderly. He gently wiped away the blood on the side of your face and dabbed at the cut with rubbing alcohol. You hissed as soon as the cloth made contact with your skin and tried to pull away, but he held you in place.

“Hold still.” His teeth were gritted, and his voice strained in anger.

You looked up at him and tried to convey your regret with your eyes as much as you could.

“Levi I...”

He releases a guttural sound from the back of his throat, and it was then you realized his hands were trembling. He was coming down from his fit of rage, and the weight of what had almost happened to you hit him like a freight truck.

He had gotten lucky to have that surge of strength, but what if that hadn’t happened? What if he had failed to protect you like he always said he would?

He throws the cloth across the room and stalks towards you, his face twisted into a sneer and his finger pointing in your face.

“All of that for a fucking tea set (Y/N). I told you I didn’t need a fucking present but no! You didn’t listen to me. You never fucking listen to me! The first thing, what was the first thing I told you before you left the house?! To have your fucking knife.” He shakes the knife in front of you before tossing it across the room.

His chest was heaving and the veins in his neck were bulging. His normally misty grey eyes had darkened, and his face and neck were tinged in red from anger now, not just the blood. You had never seen him this angry before in your life. Levi had never raised his voice at you until now, you had never even heard him scream until today. You hated it. It made a strange lump form in your throat and you blinked back tears stubbornly as he continued his tirade.

He was pacing around the room like a madman. His dark hair was disheveled and became even more so when his hands kept running through it nervously.

“You leave this house without a care in the world and look. Look what happened to you! This is exactly why I didn’t want you to go. This is why I fucking hate watching you leave unless I’m not with you! What if I hadn’t gotten to you on time (Y/N)?! What then?” He stared at you in fury, demanding a response, an explanation…. Something

You took a deep breath before answering but your voice still came out weak. “But you did.”

“But I almost LOST YOU!” His voice becomes hoarse at the end and he slumps down into one of the two chairs you had in the house. His elbows were resting on his knees and he cradled his head in his hands.

His words echoed in the room, and your eyes widened in complete shock. You couldn’t understand why Levi was having a complete and utter meltdown.

“Levi.” You stood and kneeled at his side, pleading with him to look at you. “Please Levi, look at me. Come on, I’m okay.” You pulled at his leg gently and he shook his head, his hair swaying from side to side.

“No.” Levi’s voice nothing more than a low whisper. “You’re not. Look at you.”

You sat back on your legs and sighed. “I’m sorry okay? I just... I… I wanted to get something nice for you because you deserve it. I knew you wanted that set and I saved up for months to get it for you and…… and now it doesn’t even matter because it’s broken.” You gasp at the end of the sentence and try to hold in the sobs that were forming.

Levi felt a pain in his chest as he heard you trying and failing to keep yourself from crying. You had always done that since both of you were kids and for some reason, it both bothered and wounded him. Like you didn’t trust him enough to cry in front of him, like you were ashamed of being weak in front of him. It hurt to hear you try to keep it in. A deep ache settled over his chest and it felt like he couldn’t breathe.

“Stop.” He grabs you and pulls you into his lap, hugging your face to the crook of his neck with his hand tangled in your hair.

“Stop crying. I hate it.” He knew it came out worse than he meant it, which was probably why you kept yourself from it in the first place. He cursed his verbal ineptness.

He ran his hands through your hair gently and hugged you firmly to him for what felt like forever.

Until the trembling in his hands ceased and your sobs quieted down into occasional sniffles. He clicked his tongue and attempted to lighten the somber mood cast onto both of you.

“Now you got my shirt dirty, idiot.” You felt yourself laugh a little.

“You’re literally covered in blood.” He wrinkled his nose in disgust and nodded. “I need a bath, and so do you.”

You could see his face twitch in displeasure at the filthy state of both of you.

He suddenly cupped your face in his hands and stared into your (e/c) eyes. “Don’t do that again. Don’t scare me like that again.”

“I can’t make any promises, you know trouble comes looking for me.” He furrows his brows and stares at you in an angry silence until you sigh in defeat.

“Fine. I promise to try.” He nods, satisfied to have gotten his way for now. “Good.”

Levi stands to fill the washbasin with water to clean himself when you grab his arm. He looks down at you and your mind fills with guilt at the sight of his injuries.

“Thank you. You saved my life.” His eyes widen in surprise, shocked that you would even thank him for what was instinct to him.

He furrows his brows and shakes his head. “Idiot. You know you don’t have to thank me for that.”

You rolled your eyes and sighed in exasperation. “Can you just be pleasant for once and accept the thanks?”

Levi blinks apathetically at you. “Yes, because I’m a ray of fucking sunshine. I’m extremely pleasant.”

“One of the politest people I know.” You teased, a smile tugging at your lips.

“The only person you know.” He crosses his arms and smirks at your vaguely insulted expression.

“That is a lie and you know it. I have friends!” You stomped your foot in protest and Levi’s lips twitched.

“Please brat. You only talk to the cat outside, and I’m sure it’s to spite me.” He glares at you half-heartedly.

“That’s because Sugar is ten times more “ _pleasant”_ to be around, and she doesn’t insult me every time she opens her mouth.”

Levi rolled his eyes so far back; you were sure they would get stuck there.

“Whatever (Y/N). I better not see that cat inside here or on the furniture or else I’ll throw your ass outside.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be bathing? You’re filthy.” You smirked as the smirk was wiped from his face and he huffed.

Levi stomped to the space that served as a bathroom and closed the door. As soon as he was clean, you took your time in the washbasin making sure every trace of the filth that had touched you was scrubbed off. When you come out, Levi frowns in displeasure. Yes, he wanted you to be clean, but not to scrub off your skin in the process.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He watched as you doused yourself in the pleasant smelling rose water.

You ignored his question and came out of the room with alcohol, bandages, and gauze. Extremely rare medical items that Levi had managed to snag on the last job. You sat him down as he reluctantly turned his face to the side for you to examine the damage.

Your heart clenched at the sight of his black eye, the cuts and bruises that littered his face and neck. His other swollen eye wouldn’t heal for a good while, so you took to disinfecting cuts and slathering a homemade salve on the wounds you could bandage.

Levi watched as your lip trembled slightly and he gently grabbed your chin, forcing him to look at him.

“Why are you so upset?” His bluntness caught you by surprise, you thought you had done a good job of hiding your feelings, but Levi was as sharp as a knife when it came to how you were truly feeling.

_‘I should’ve known better than to hide it from him. He sees everything.’_

You bit your lip and sighed. “You’re hurt.”

“I’ll live (Y/N).” He couldn’t help himself from brushing back a strand of your (H/C) hair.

“I don’t want you to just live. I want you to be okay. Every week you come back with a new injury and I don’t like it.”

Levi sighs and runs a hand through his hair, looking at the peeking light of the lamps outside. He suddenly felt weighed down and exhausted. Older than he really was.

“I know.... but what choice do I have?”


	5. Savior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to look up and it seems like you and Levi might be okay after all, but will adding new members increase your chance for survival, or seal a dark fate?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! First I want to say thank you so so much to everyone who has been reading this story and taking the time to comment, give a kudos, and bookmark it! Even just taking the time out of your day to read it means so much to me! I apologize for taking so long for this chapter, school has been crazy. I'm not giving up on this story and will try to update as I go along! I did not expect so much feedback but it's such a warm surprise to see people like it, thank you so much guys :) I decided to do a sort of mix of manga and anime for this backstory because I think both have elements that make the dynamic between these characters interesting. Originally, Farlan tests Levi's skill by having him fight a group of thugs then convinces him to join his gang, but I decided to take it in another direction, as I thought it was more fitting to this story. Hope everyone enjoys this chapter and stays safe!

The weeks after the incident were spent under Levi’s daily training. He put you through intense, rigorous exercises that left you so sore, you were unable to even breathe without a sharp pain piercing through you.

Levi committed himself to making sure you only got better in hand to hand combat. It was unacceptable to have been taken down so easily by those three men on the street. You were too distracted, too easily overpowered. He wanted you to understand that you shouldn’t need a weapon to survive. While it helped increase the chances, he wanted you to become the weapon.

He didn’t give himself much time to recover before he was off on another one of his jobs.

“Levi, this is ridiculous, you still aren’t even fully healed!” He polished his knife while fixing you with a blank stare.

“Doesn’t matter how much you complain. You’re not coming with me until you’re improved.”

You rolled your eyes. “You’re not my mother you know.”

“I know. I actually care about your survival, and I’m not going to coddle you.”

Your chest heaved in anger at his harsh words and you took a deep breath. “You don’t trust me…. After all this time.” Levi sighs and shakes his head.

“Trusting others gets either them or you killed. Trust is a luxury we can’t afford down here. I thought you’d know that by now.” Levi stands and puts his knife away, then wraps his new cloak around himself and starts to walk towards the door.

“You’re wrong.” He stops walking but doesn’t turn around to glance at you.

“Trusting others isn’t a weakness. It’s a strength. No one is strong enough to burden the weight on their own.”

Levi turns to give you a once over from the corner of his eye and he looks away again. “Make sure the house is spotless by the time I get back. I can feel the dust in the air.”

He slams the door shut and you huff. You mutter to yourself angrily as you get the broom, mop and duster from the other room. The last thing you wanted to deal with was an angry, moody Levi. When he was in one of his moods, there was only so much of him you could put up with.

_‘I know he’s lashing out at me because of the accident… but to say he doesn’t trust me. How could he not? Haven’t I always had his back? I always come back to him no matter what…why would he say that?.... The bigger question is why do his words cut so deep? Why do I feel the need to constantly prove to him that I can be better? That I am better? Maybe it’s because he expects to be let down? He expects for people to leave him?’_

“But I’m not like other people. I won’t just die and leave him alone. He has to know that.”

You thought back to the constant training, the insults, the silent nights where he had chosen to sleep on the chair instead of on the mattress with you like he used to.

_‘He’s scared.’_

Maybe you were being selfish. Maybe you really hadn’t thought how deeply the accident affected him. That moment where he was so soft with you, where he had held you like he was reminding himself that you were alive and breathing; it couldn’t be because he didn’t trust you.

On the contrary, he put so much trust in you that it scared him when you almost didn’t make it. He trusted you to take care of yourself and you failed.

Guilt gripped your body tightly and suddenly. He had been trying to convey to you in his own way that he wanted to make sure you knew how to fight for your life because it meant that much to him. You scrubbed the floors with more vigor, strength renewed.

_‘I’m going to do something nice for him. Prove to him that I can be there for him when he needs me.’_ ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..........................................

Levi regretted it a few hours after he left the house. When he saw your disappointed face out of the corner of his eye. He regretted it but didn’t have the courage to say that he didn’t mean that.

He found himself doing that a lot these days. Doing and saying things that he didn’t mean. Hurting you when he didn’t mean to.

_‘How else am I supposed to get it through her thick skull? She’s too stubborn for her own good.’_

You were overconfident in your abilities. Down here that was a fatal mistake, and there were no room for mistakes in this life. Mistakes got you killed.

Hell, if he didn’t have that odd surge of strength, he would’ve gotten himself killed too. That’s what he wanted you to understand. You always had room to improve, to get better. He wanted to make sure you did. Levi knew his being with you all the time wasn’t going to last forever. It was impossible to be with someone for too long. He was the prime example of that instance. His mother, Kenny…. When life inevitably ripped you from his grasp, he wanted to make sure he did his part in helping you survive.

No matter how much he secretly longed for it, he couldn’t hide you from the abrasiveness of this life. You were too smart, too ambitious, too stubborn to be held down for long. Almost losing you reminded him that he wasn’t in control. Levi hated not being in control.

Soon enough, you were going to want to take your own jobs and go on them alone. It was this innate desire to prove something. To prove what? He would never know.

To prove that you weren’t your mother? That you wouldn’t go out the same way she did? He knew it was a sore subject with you and he barely brought it up, but it concerned him. He had a wonderful relationship with his mother before she was taken from him and he was grateful to have had that. While he can’t say he knows all the details of your relationship with her, he does know that the way you barely seemed to acknowledge she had even existed in the first place was a cause for alarm.

Even now he still dreams of his mother. Years after he had told himself that he could’ve done more but it was too late now, and he had to move on with his life. Years after you spent many nights reassuring him that he had no control over his circumstances and beating himself up was not going to change that. Levi still thought about her every day, when he passed by the various brothels in the city and each time saw the prostitutes looking younger with every passing day. He thought about her when he saw the MP’s or nobles climb up and down the stairways that lead above ground to satisfy their desires then return to respectable society without a second glance at the scum that inhabited this cursed place.

Levi didn’t know why you never mentioned your own mother, and he hadn’t dared to ask. He knew he was not one to talk about unhealthy habits or bottling up emotions, so he left it at that. He knew that was a particular driving force for your wanting to leave the Underground to lead a better life aside from the obvious, awful living conditions.

While you had matured in certain aspects, Levi found himself worrying about the lack of apprehensiveness you seemed to display when leaving for jobs or even leaving the house with him.

When you had been assaulted, he had lashed out, displayed a moment of weakness and he didn’t know what to make of it. You seemed to be able to move on from it without a second glance while he had been haunted by the incident for quite some time. Even now in the dark of night, when the candles had long been blown out and the only light visible was pouring in from the lamps outside, he had found himself thinking about it. Staying awake more than usual to make sure you hadn’t suddenly disappeared.

He knew it was ridiculous, absolutely idiotic to have let himself get so attached to your presence, but what else was he supposed to do? You were the only person left on Earth that had a connection to him that he couldn’t quite verbalize. A connection that he knew wasn’t easy to find and was rare in this life. You understood him, and better yet you put up with him. Even when he wasn’t the most pleasant person to be around, his brazenness didn’t seem to bother you one bit.

Kenny had taught him attachments to anything caused complications. It’s why he seemed to indulge himself in momentary pleasures. Drinking, different women each week, cigars. All of those things weren’t complicated. They were simple enough to find enjoyment for a small while and get back to business as usual.

Levi didn’t know what words he could use to describe your relationship with him, but simple was not one of them. Lately, he disliked how often the two of you were butting heads. The last thing he wants to do is push you away, but he doesn’t know how to express his regret. Maybe he should get you something from the market that you’ve been wanting? Or perhaps he could find the rare blend of coffee beans and finally watch you enjoy the brew you’ve wanted to try again ever since that one winter the two of you were doing well for once.

He shook his head and gripped his knife tighter. That was something he’d have to deal with later. For now, he needed to make sure his gang was receiving all the coin they were owed that month.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………….................................

You stood over the steaming pot of stew, stirring the contents with a wooden spoon and bringing it up to your lips to taste. After a small satisfactory smile formed on your lips, you placed the lid on the pot and checked on the rice you had made to accompany your potato and vegetable stew. While you didn’t have the best ingredients in the underground, Levi’s newly formed gang had recently started to tackle bigger jobs, and one of the things you had been grateful for were the spices and vegetables Levi had brought home last month.

He told you not to waste it and only use it when absolutely necessary, but today was going to have to be an exception. You also managed to dip into the only bag of rice you had because you knew that it became Levi’s favorite food after you had made it for him two years ago. The small place you inhabited was spotless, candles were lit around the small home, and you had set up the table with a cloth you had sewn for it just last month.

The final touch was the blend of black tea you made him. As you noticed it was later than usual, you frowned to yourself.

_‘That’s odd, he’s usually back home at this time.’_

You sighed and looked over your reflection in a small handheld mirror, brushing away any stray hairs, turning your face from side to side and hoping Levi would notice the effort you had made to get yourself more decent looking than usual for this little dinner you had planned.

Every sound made at the door added to your growing anxiety, and as you were setting the table and plating the food, the door swung open and shut.

You looked up from pouring the tea to see Levi staring at the room and the table in quiet incredulity. He took off his cloak and hung it on a rack, then walked over to the table and set something in a tin can down on it.

You watched him inspect the room silently until he finally turned to you and crossed his arms. “This is nice. It looks nice.”

_‘Coming from him that’s a huge compliment.’_

“I thought we could have a nice meal and talk. I made your favorites.” You gestured to the hot food on the table and watched as the corners of his lips turned upward for a split second, before his neutral expression returned.

Levi’s eyes scan the table and notice the rice and stew, and the steaming cup of black tea. The house was even spotless enough to make his chest swell in pride over having taught you well. He watched as you opened the tin can and released a gasp.

“Levi…... you got me the coffee beans?” Levi scratches the back of his neck and nods, not particularly looking you in the eye.

“Thought you’d like them.” Your eyes softened as you got close to him and planted a small kiss on his cheek. His pupils dilated, causing his eyes to look obsidian.

“Thank you. I really appreciate that.” Levi’s face and ears started to redden, so he turned to the table instead and sat at the chair across from yours.

He grabbed the cup by its rim, and you smiled to yourself as you went to put away the coffee beans. You would never tell him you found his little quirks and habits absolutely adorable.

Levi watched you as he sipped his tea and willed his heart to stop the rapid beating. He cursed himself as he kept himself busy by drinking tea, to ignore the blush spreading across his cheeks. He waited until you sat and took the spoon, bringing your stew to his lips.

His lips twitched after swallowing and it took much not to break out into a smile at the way you were gazing at him, desperate for a word of approval.

“It’s not bad.” He wipes at his lips with a napkin and you pout.

The dinner goes by in silence until you look up and catch his gaze.

“Levi. I wanted to say I’m sorry.” Levi furrows his brow and looks at you with a quizzical glint in his eyes.

“For what?” You wring your hands nervously.

“For earlier. I didn’t mean to come off as reckless, and I don’t want you to think that I don’t take our line of work seriously. I know it means life or death for us. I know that one day one of us might not make it back… but, I want you to know that I’m going to be more careful, and I’m going to do better for you.” You grab his hand from across the table and watch as he stares at you intently.

The seconds that passed felt like an eternity. Each passing second only served to enhance your anxiety and you could feel your heart pumping in your chest.

Levi clears his throat and speaks, never once breaking eye contact with you.

“(Y/N), I trust you. Hell, I trust you more than I’ve trusted anyone down here. I just…. I want to make sure you stay alert. If what happened last time happens again… I need to know you can protect yourself from those pieces of shit.”

You nodded. “I can, and I will. I won’t jeopardize myself unless absolutely necessary again.”

Levi nods back reluctantly and releases a sigh. “It was good… this dinner.”

You smiled brightly at him. “I’m glad you liked it.”

Levi leans back in the chair and crosses his arms. “Seems like this month we can afford to enjoy it. Rations and coin came in. Guys are producing just like they said they would. At this rate, we’ll be able to leave this shithole area and move into the Northern Area within a few months.”

Your eyes widened. “Really? So that means more jobs… and more training.” You sigh as Levi nods in agreement.

“That’s right. It’s time to get your ass in gear. If you’re going to be my partner, I need you knowing what the hell it is that you’re doing.”

You stand and grab the plates but stop when Levi snatches them from your hands. “Hey! That’s absurdly rude.” Levi rolls his eyes.

“I’m washing them. Last time you left a mess on the plates.” He watches your lips purse and your eyes narrow at him.

“I did not.” You mumble.

He scoffs and moves to the small, makeshift kitchen to start cleaning the dishes. “That’s one more thing I’m going to have to reteach you.”

You shake your head and roll your eyes. Levi turns to look at you and his eyes soften for a moment at your tired expression.

“You should get some sleep. I’ll finish cleaning up here.”

“What about you?”

“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.” You sighed, knowing that once Levi resolved himself to something, it was nearly impossible to convince him otherwise.

“Alright. Goodnight Levi.” You blow out the candles in the room, save for the ones near the kitchen so Levi still had some light left to work.

Levi watches you get onto the mattress and cover yourself with the blanket before slowly falling asleep. He finishes washing and cleaning up, blowing out the spare candles and deciding to sleep on the mattress instead of the chair like he had been doing for the past few weeks.

Levi faces you, trying to commit every detail of this feeling he experienced, laying here in the dark with you to memory. The smell of the clean room, the sound of your rhythmic breathing, the way his body seemed to ignite with your scent. As he pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, it was then that he knew that perhaps things wouldn’t be so bad after all. Perhaps you would be right.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………….................................

A few months passed and life was different. Levi had been correct in his prediction with the direction his gang was going in. Soon, jobs started to pay more and within a few months the two of you were able to move from the room you had spent the bulk of your teen years in, to the Northern part of the Underground, where only the lucrative gangs lived. If the payoff continued in the direction it was going, perhaps you and Levi would be able to live near the 11th stairwell.

It wasn’t luxurious by any means, but usually the people that inhabited the area by the 11th stairwell were not too shabby at thieving and thugging. The apartments near that area had more open space, and some were even on the second floor. You couldn’t even begin to imagine what it would be like to own an apartment with your own stairs to climb.

Levi had begun to extend his trust in you by having you accompany him on his big heists and jobs. The jobs he didn’t trust the lower members of the gang to pull off. The bloodier ones. While you didn’t particularly like that part of the job, you understood it well.

People responded to violence and threats. It was the unfortunate way of the world you lived in. You hated it. You hated using your hands to inflict violence upon someone. You despised coming home after jobs attempting to scrub yourself raw to forget the screams and cries of the people you and Levi had to torture and extort. You loathed watching people cower in fear when you and Levi walked the streets. Hearing doors and windows slamming shut, men and women scramble towards the opposite direction, the spiteful stares you received from the other gangs.

It’s why whenever you could you tried to heal, to mend. To help someone, somewhere. You would sneak some coin to the homeless on the street, or you would give bread to a starving child you happened to pass on the way home. Why you dedicated yourself to becoming proficient in mending the wounds inflicted upon your gang and Levi.

You hated violence. But you understood it. It was necessary, and after all… weren’t the two of you doing what was necessary to survive? You were doing what you promised yourself you would do in that dark room all those years ago. What was vital to your survival.

Levi was getting stronger. In a span of months, he was exhibiting strength you had never before seen from him. Yes, he had always been gifted physically. He was always agile and fast. Precise and cunning. He was always a force to be reckoned with. But, ever since “the incident” as you referred to it, it was as if he had awoken some force inside of him.

You had been privy to it firsthand. While you knew he did what was necessary, a part of you always wondered if he enjoyed it. He would always tell you to leave the room, to look after another important matter but you knew what he was doing.

He would simply wipe down his knife and silently press forward, as if nothing had happened. Perhaps, in his eyes nothing did happen. It was just another day on the job. You didn’t know in detail what happened during his time with Kenny. It seemed you would never know. But you could surmise it was an important factor.

Maybe Levi was better at handling it than you were. All you knew is you never wanted to get your hands dirty permanently. You had avoided it until now, and you hoped and wished that the day would never come where you would have to take another’s life.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………….....................................

Levi never approached the topic, but he understood it made you uncomfortable, so he shielded you from it. He had already been tainted long ago and there was no going back for him. If he had the chance to somewhat spare you of the same fate, he would do it. No questions asked. Perhaps he needed that. Someone to balance him. To be softer, to smooth out his rough edges.

Levi wondered if you feared him. That had been what had unsettled him for days to come after that. The thought of scaring you off with the anger, the ugliness that bubbled up deep inside him. He wondered if you ever thought he would take the anger out on you.

The thought lingered at the back of his mind on jobs, like the one you two were pulling off next week. If all went well, enough money would go to every gang member and there would be extra for the two of you. Maybe he would buy you a necklace, or a bracelet. He had seen some of the prostitutes donning beautiful pieces of jewelry that they received from high paying customers.

Maybe he would give you a gift to make up for it. He knew you hated it, hated what he had to do but you had always been different from him in that way. While he didn’t particularly enjoy it, he would do what must be done in order to live. Kenny had always said to do it before they have the chance to do it to you. Levi didn’t hesitate, and you did.

He wondered for a moment, if the day would ever come where he would be able to tell you it was time to go above ground and purchase a house with several rooms. A house with a small garden, where enough sunlight would help plants to grow. Where there was a kitchen big enough for you to work from. Where he could come home from a long day of working, to the smell of food and the warmth of a fire burning in the living area. Perhaps you were rubbing off on him. He was never one to daydream about what ifs, too busy to be wondering what could be. What ifs gave you hope, and hope was a luxury far too expensive. He preferred to focus on the now, on the reality that it would be years before the two of you ever left this place.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………….....

It had gone well. You and Levi had raided the rival gang that was looking to eliminate you since the move to the northern part of the city. It took months of you observing the building, the different gang members, and the behavior patterns of the leaders. You were able to sketch an accurate blueprint of the rooms inside and show it to Levi. He had been quick to act and get his men together with a plan to wait for them to be distracted and attack.

They had always been too arrogant and cocky for their own good, and it cost them their lives. However, it was a good payday for your team. Many went home with rations, supplies and enough money to not have to pull off a heist for quite a few months.

Currently, you and Levi were walking home, carrying bags with valuables back to your place. While he didn’t say much, you knew he was proud and satisfied. For once, you were able to witness him walking home with a much more relaxed stance than usual. Never completely off guard, but calmer than he had been in years.

“You think Dale will have enough to finally get his sister the medicine?” You broke the silence to glance back at Levi, who finally turned to you.

He shrugged and continued to walk. “Maybe he will.”

“Well, on the bright side I can add more to the…...you know what.” Levi nodded as he thought about the stash of money you were saving to one day buy the freedom for both of you.

“Don’t say that out loud (Y/N). Never know who could be listening.” You rolled your eyes.

“Lighten up grumpy, we’re almost home anyways.”

You watched as he opened his mouth to retort, only to watch his expression change. You felt a pair of arms yank your left arm, causing you to drop your bag, before bringing your arms behind your back, forcing you down on your knees and holding a knife to your throat.

Levi took his knife out in the blink of an eye and prepared himself to attack when the man spoke.

“Stop, or I’ll slice her open right here.” Levi looked to you, silently conveying to you that he was going to give you an opening and to keep on the ready.

Levi said nothing but waited for the man to step out of the shadow of the alleyway. When he finally did, he knew this wouldn’t take long.

It was a male, maybe as old or a bit younger than him, with scraggly blonde hair and blue eyes. The clothes that hung from his form were worn down and had been sloppily patched in an effort to fix the holes that formed from overuse. His clothes hung from his frame and his cheeks were hollow. Signs of hunger that Levi knew all too well.

The grip on the knife was shaky, as was the gaze the man held at him. If nothing else, Levi had to admire his nerve. Not a lot of people simply walked up to him, or you and held him at knife point and expected to live.

You finally spoke after the tense moment of silence. “You know, it would be more effective if you used a different grip on the knife.”

The man looked down at you in shock, and you escaped the grip while Levi moved forward tackling the man and held both of his arms above his head in a bruising grip, and his knife to the man’s throat. He thrashed from his position, but Levi kept his knees on either side of the man’s body, forcing him to stay put.

He glared up at the two of you with hatred in his gaze, and you felt guilt bubbling inside of you. He was just like the two of you all those years ago. Pretending to be tough to hide the overwhelming fear of a cruel and awful death.

“What’s your name?” You asked him.

He grits his teeth and clenches his jaw, refusing to speak before Levi tightened his grip on the man’s wrists. He groaned in discomfort and Levi clicks his tongue in annoyance.

“She asked you a question. It’s only polite to answer her.” The man stares at the light hitting the puddle of water on the street, before finally meeting your gaze.

“Farlan. Farlan Church.” He answered, as if the sound of his own name left a bitter taste on his tongue.

“Now we know the name of the only guy stupid enough to cross us directly.” Levi made the motion to slit his throat when you grabbed his elbow to stop him.

He glared at you but stopped momentarily. “What business did you have with us Farlan?”

The man thrashes in anger. “You assholes killed my gang!”

Levi growls and tightens his grip even further. “You’ll be next if you keep putting up a fight.”

“They were too cocky for their own good. If left alive they would’ve started wars with the rest of us.” You moved to pick up the bag you dropped before turning back to the man.

“That was my only source of income. Even if they were low lives, they were low lives giving me money.”

“And why should we care? Give me a good reason I shouldn’t kill you right now.” Levi added, in a bored tone.

“You shouldn’t care, you have no reason to. But if you’re going to kill me, my mother stays on the street.” You felt your heart drop at his confession and watched Levi slowly loosen his grip on Farlan’s wrists, though not completely.

Farlan watched the two of you carefully before continuing. “We live in a really shitty one room shack on the south side, and the only mattress we have is all she has to lay on. It’s as hard as a rock, but for her it’s a luxury. She can’t even walk…... Her legs have gone bad due to lack of sunlight.”

His blue eyes pierced through the both of you before he continued, “So, yeah. You killed the only source of income I was getting. Even if they were scum… they helped us buy pieces of stale bread. I was saving up money for her medicine.”

You knew right then and there you couldn’t kill him. You knew that Levi knew it too. Maybe it was because at the end of the day, even if your own mothers couldn’t be saved, the two of you weren’t heartless enough to let someone else’s go without. You knew he wasn’t lying; the same desperation had been painted on your faces many years ago, and though it had been long it wasn’t difficult to recognize it.

Levi watched the man before finally releasing him and wiping the dirt off of him. “Go. Don’t let me catch you here again.” Farlan stands and nods, scrambling to stand when you grab his arm as he passes by you.

“Hold on.” You reach into your bag and pull out a sack of coins “Here.”

Farlan’s eyes widened and he shook his head. “I... I couldn’t...” You shoved the sack of coins into his hand.

“Before I change my mind. Your mother needs it more than I do.” You watched his bright blue eyes glisten with unshed tears and he nodded rapidly.

“Thank you. I… I don’t know how I could ever repay you.”

You smiled at him for the first time since the encounter.

“Keep yourself and your mom alive.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………..............................

Levi sat at the table, counting the coins and supplies the two of you had gotten. He hadn’t said a word to you on the way back home. Even when the hours since the encounter with Farlan had passed. You didn’t think he was upset about the money, but he seemed to be a bit standoffish since the whole ordeal.

“Levi?” You looked up from the vegetables you were cutting for dinner.

Without looking up from his task he hums in acknowledgement. “Are you upset?” Levi stopped momentarily but continued counting. “No, I’m not upset.”

“About the money I mean…” Levi sighed and sat back, looking towards you. “You gave him more than necessary (Y/N).” You put down the vegetables and gave Levi a pointed look.

“He needed it; a lot more than we do. We’re pretty well off compared to him.” Levi shakes his head at you.

“Tch. Still didn’t need to give him that much.” You walked towards the worn-out couch and sat next to Levi.

“Don’t you remember the days when that was us in one room? Sleeping on a mattress that was just as hard as the floor?” You watched as Levi looked away from your gaze to the floor.

“I do... but nobody helped us.” You nodded and grabbed at his arm, shaking him a bit.

“Exactly! Nobody helped us. Which is more reason for us to do it now that we can!” Levi scoffs and looks towards you.

“Look (Y/N). I know that you’re naturally inclined towards being helpful, and this time I didn’t mind... but you can’t be giving out our money to every shithead who gives you a sob story.”

“He wasn’t lying.” Levi raised a brow.

“Really? He wasn’t lying…and how do you know that? How do you know that he won't blow that money at the bars, or on women?”

Levi’s sharp eyes pierced through you as he waited for an answer. “I just know, okay? I can tell… I didn’t get a bad feeling.”

“You didn’t get a bad feeling.” Levi deadpanned and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “Your gut feeling is not enough down here, and you know that. Solid evidence is the only way to tell if he was sincere or not.” You sighed and gave Levi an exasperated look.

“Levi. Did you see how he was dressed? How much he weighed? He couldn’t even grip the knife. I’m sure he hasn't seen a mirror in months. Hell, just the way he walked was enough to be able to tell he hasn’t eaten or slept properly in a long time! He was dirty…... and that was us not too long ago, in case you’ve forgotten.”

“I don’t have memory loss.” He furrows his brows and goes back to counting.

“Well, let me remind you that you had help. You had Kenny. Whether he left you or not, he taught you how to fight. How to survive. He gave you what you needed. Who’s helping him? Hmm? Who’s helping people like Farlan?”

Levi looks up at you with an apathetic expression. His voice however softens, “I get it (Y/N). I really do.”

He sighs and grabs your hand. “You can’t save everyone. You of all people know that.”

You look down towards the floor and swallow the lump in your throat. “I don’t want anyone else to die, knowing I could’ve changed that outcome. Even the smallest thing, it can make a difference. I know it can.”

Levi lets go of your hand and resumes counting supplies.

“Not down here (Y/N).”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………............................

The day you found out Farlan’s mother died felt gloomier than usual. There must’ve been heavy rain above-ground because water dripped from above your heads, and the puddles on the street seemed to become deeper.

You and Levi spent the day in your tiny home, cleaning and reorganizing the stock obtained from the recent job. It had been a slow day, and you kept getting scolded by Levi for not paying attention to your tasks. Finally, after hours of endless cleaning you decided you had enough.

“I’m going out for a walk.” You announced, pulling on your cloak and pulling the hooded part over your head.

Levi glanced at you and pulled down his cleaning mask to talk. “It’s dripping outside.”

You grabbed your knife from the table and hid it in a sheath that was strapped to your leg…which you had stolen from one of the merchants. “I won’t be long. I just need a walk.” Levi looks over before sighing and nodding.

“Be back before nighttime.” He looks away from you and continues to sweep the nonexistent dirt on the floor.

You opened and shut the front door without another word and began your walk through the city. Recently, you and Levi had heard of devices from above ground that would make your jobs easier and give you an advantage over everyone else. 3DM gear. The maneuver gear that the scum from the Military Police used, or that other branch of the military that was crazy enough to leave the safety of the walls. Down here, that would be like finding a pot of gold. It was crazy expensive, and even if you stacked up your bag of coins for a year of more, it still wouldn’t be enough to buy one from the black market.

You wanted one, but it would take time to find the right people to be able to secure you and Levi a deal. Besides, you didn’t know anyone trustworthy enough to give you a brand-new set that wasn’t faulty or could be traced back to you.

As you walked through the dimly lit streets, you felt a body hit yours and lost your footing momentarily. You lost your balance, but quickly regained it. The person hit the ground and you took off your hood.

Offering your hand to the person, your eyes widened upon recognizing the figure you had bumped into. It had been months, but he looked even worse than the first time you met him. His face and arms were littered with cuts and bruises, no doubt from sleeping on the streets and trying to steal from the food carts on the merchant district. His frame was lanky and pale, and his clothes were miraculously still intact.

He stood and looked down at your face with surprise, the apology dissipating on his tongue.

“It’s you…” You looked him up and down before nodding.

“Call me (Y/N). I never quite gave you my name, did I?” The corners of his lips turn slightly before going back to an apathetic expression.

“No, you didn’t. Neither did the short guy you were with.”

You laughed. “Don’t let Levi hear you say that, or else he’ll really kill you. Farlan, right? How’s life treating you? You look a bit rough, since the last time I saw you.”

Farlan’s lips pursed and it seemed like years passed before he finally spoke. “My mom died two months ago. She finally gave into the disease and lack of sunlight, the hunger…...”

Your eyes widened and a sense of dread and sorrow creeped into your chest. “Farlan, I…”

“The money that you gave me. I blew it on trying to get medicine for her from these guys. Said they would get back to me… never saw them again. I knew it was stupid to trust them, but I was so desperate….” He swallowed thickly and cleared his throat.

“She died anyways. So, I guess I went through all of that for nothing.”

You stared at him for the longest time, a million thoughts running through your head. You knew exactly what he was feeling. For some reason, you felt overwhelming pity and guilt at hearing the news. It hadn’t mattered. Just like Levi told you.

_‘Yet, Farlan still tried to help her. He didn’t give up on her.’_ Looking at him now, you knew that despite only meeting him twice, you couldn’t just leave him on the streets to die. Had Levi not taken you in all those years ago, you don’t know where you would’ve ended up.

_‘Probably dead. Just like our mothers.’_

“Guess I’ll see you around.” Farlan scratched the back of his head awkwardly and began to walk away when you grabbed onto his arm, much like the first time.

“Wait. Hold on a second.” You sighed and looked around as you contemplated what you were about to do.

“Look. I want to help you, okay? I really do. Problem is, it’s not just up to me. It’s also up to Levi. There are other members in our gang, but ultimately, he makes the final call. Do you have any skills that would be useful to us?”

Farlan ponders for a moment before answering. “You might not believe me, based on what I just told you, but I can strike a deal.”

“Do you by any chance, know how we can get our hands on 3DM gear?”

Farlan contemplated answering before realizing that this was it. It was either this or die down here like so many before him.

“Yes. I know some guys… but how can I trust you? How do I know you won’t screw me like those other guys?”

You pursed your lips. “This might not be reassuring, but the truth is you’re going to have to take my word for it. Levi and I follow through. When we make a deal, unless there’s a reason to break it off we don’t. So, if you agree to help us procure 3DM gear, I’ll convince him to let you join and stay with us.”

Farlan sat on the ground and looked into the distance while you awaited his response. “Okay.”

You smiled at him and clapped your hands together. “Perfect. Just wait here until I come back. I will come back, okay?”

He gives you a lopsided smile and shrugs. “Sure. Take your time.”

You nodded and started to run back to the house, eager to tell Levi you just secured the gang a chance to finally get way ahead of everyone else. …………………………………………………………………………………………………........................

“No.” Levi deadpanned and continued to scrub the table.

He was an expert at shooting your hopes down in less than two seconds. You huffed and started to pace before sighing and trying again.

“Levi listen, I…”

“No, (Y/N). We don’t know if we can trust this guy.”

“Are you listening to a word I said? 3DM gear! The chance to gain an advantage.” Levi ripped off his cleaning mask and threw it down on the table before stomping up to you and narrowing his eyes.

“Did you hear what I said? I said no.” You narrowed your eyes and crossed your arms.

“It’s a gamble (Y/N).” You tapped your foot impatiently.

“You think I don’t know that? You think I haven’t thought about that? I’ve run through this from every possible viewpoint. Every possibility ran through my head. Logically one of two things can happen, we let him in, and he turns out to be useless, or we give him a chance and gain a valuable member. If we have let other people in, why not him? We won’t know until we take a chance!”

Levi sighs and looks at you again, crossing his arms. “Don’t you trust me?” You look at him with a pleading glance and Levi knows he’s going to lose this one. When you gave him that hopeful look, how could he possibly deny you? He knew you had a point, but his stubbornness and pride kept him from agreeing. Maybe it would be fair to give you a chance to recruit someone since he had been making the bulk of the decisions.

“Yes, I trust you…...” You pout and look at him again with wide eyes. “Please?”

He growls and runs a hand through his hair. “Fine… but (Y/N)?”

“Yes?”

“If he betrays us, I’m killing him… without hesitation.”

You bit your lip and nodded slowly. “Okay.”

_‘Please don’t let me be wrong about this.’_

…………………………………………………………………………………………………….............................

Had you known what was going to happen, you would have recruited him sooner. It was gradual and unexpected but adding a new member to your household was a welcome adjustment. Farlan and Levi tiptoed around each other the first few months, a sense of tension permeating the prior peaceful aura that existed when it was just you and Levi. Farlan mainly kept to himself, regained his strength, and helped with negotiations. As it turns out, it wasn’t a lie. He was very good at cutting a deal and talking to people. He had connections that neither you or Levi had, and in turn it served as an asset.

Levi was unwelcoming and a bit hostile at first, but you started to notice the changes in him later. The more time passed, and Farlan proved himself smart and useful, the more he started to relax. He started to talk loosely around Farlan and let him help in the cleaning. He started to greet him when he entered and directed a question to him here and there. As the months dragged on, he started to talk to him like he did with you. Eventually, he was even allowed to go on jobs.

When he finally did secure the 3DM gear for the three of you, Levi made him swear an oath to the gang to induct him as an official member. For the first time in your lives, Levi had made a friend that wasn’t you, and you were more than happy for it. Male companionship is something that you knew was missing in his life. The chance to bond with another person of the same sex, that would give him another perspective that you couldn’t.

Farlan brought balance to Levi. He was soft spoken, more approachable, and translated for Levi when he became too blunt or argumentative. He was cool-headed, and reasoned before resorting to violence.

He mediated when the two of you butted heads and helped you both see beyond your own pride and stubbornness. After a year, he wasn’t just another gang member. He was family.

And a sense of family was something you both had been needing for a long while.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Learning how to use the 3DM gear was easy enough. Learning how to evade the Military Police that targeted you after use was a bit more challenging. Quite a few broken bones and bruises were earned before you were able to master the gear. Levi seemed to be a professional at it, as if he had been using it his whole life. You expected nothing less from him.

The feeling you experienced from flying through the city was indescribable. You had read before about birds, and the different species and flight patterns, but you never imagined you would be able to soar from above the ground as they did.

If you could, you would fly right through the viewing hole into freedom, but the thought of getting shot down quickly stopped you from acting on the thought. You agreed to use the gear only on the really important jobs, as maintaining the gear and refilling the gas tanks was expensive and caused Farlan to have to negotiate for days on end to get the deal.

Whenever you did, you realized just how big the city really was. Just how many people were down here fighting for their lives. Certain areas of the city were more decayed and decimated than others.

It was on this particular day you had accompanied Levi and Farlan on a job that left your gang with more profit than usual. Having to travel to the far end of the city, you were eager to get home and rest for a bit.

Levi wordlessly led the two of you through the city, and though he said nothing, you knew he was particularly satisfied. Farlan kept up light conversation with you as the three of you were taking a detour to get home faster. Suddenly you heard Farlan go silent as Levi started to move ahead quicker than he previously had been.

“Hey! Wait up! Where are you..” Levi lands on the ground, you and Farlan close behind him and the words die on your tongue. You had seen decay before, all your life because it was all you had known.

‘But this…’ Bodies lay on the floor, the smell of rot permeating the tense atmosphere. Strewn pieces of stale fruit, bread and wood were scattered in between the dead bodies and it was as silent as graveyard.

You and Farlan watched as Levi walked towards a seated figure whose back was against the wall, their arms resting on their knees and their head buried in between their arms. He crouches down and examines the figure carefully before reaching towards their matted, dirty red hair and pulling their head back to see their face.

It was a young girl who couldn’t be much older than 13. She was malnourished, dehydrated and on the brink of death. She wore a torn and patched white shirt with a pair of matching shorts that surely didn’t help keep her warm from the cold of the night. No sunlight meant it was colder than normal down here, and from the look of her skin she probably had never seen the sunlight before.

She could barely keep her eyes open as Levi examined her face, too tired to fight back she didn’t make a sound in protest as he continued to scrutinize her. You knew what he was thinking. You knew that she reminded him of himself. Her friends or family lay unmoving next to her, much like his own mother did for all that time. Here she was, knocking on death’s door unless someone decided to take her from this place, like Kenny did for him all those years ago.

As you stared you knew it couldn’t be helped, because once Levi made up his mind about something it was nearly impossible to change it.

Farlan watched Levi cautiously, “You’re taking her back or what?”

Levi grunts and picks the girl up, looking towards the two of you and nodding. “She’s coming with us.”

The trip back home was silent, and when the four of you walked through the front door the first thing Levi did was set her down on the floor of the living area.

You hung up your cloak and raised a brow. “So, you’re just going to place her on the floor instead of the furniture.” Levi looks back at you and crosses his arms. “She’s filthy. There’s no way I’m setting her on our furniture until she’s bathed. Since she’s a girl, I’m leaving that to you.”

You stared back at him and rolled your eyes. “Fine. Get some of the clothes that’s in my drawer. The old ones might fit her.”

You walked towards the girl and carefully helped her stand. With one arm around your shoulders, you led her to the makeshift tub and sat her down inside. Lighting some candles, you left to go fill up some buckets with hot water from the sink, since the bathroom didn’t have plumbing like the nicer apartments near the 11th stairwell.

When you came back into the bathroom, you see that she has already taken off her clothes and she sits in the tub with her knees pulled to her chest and her chin resting on her arms. You grab a new towel and a bar of soap before turning back towards her.

“The water is going to be a little hot, but once you get used to it, it won’t feel so bad. I’ll try to be gentle, but I have to get you clean. Alright?”

The girl doesn’t say a word and stares at the wall in front of her.

“Very talkative, huh?” She only blinks and you grab her arm and start to scrub away the grime and dirt on her skin.

“Maybe she just doesn’t think you’re funny!” Farlan calls out from the living room.

“Shut up Farlan! No one asked you.” You grumble, hearing him laugh.

After twenty minutes of absolute silence, you hear a soft knock on the door, and you stand to open it. Blocking Levi’s view of the bathroom, you peek out and see him standing there with old, clean clothes and a pair of your old shoes.

“Thanks.” You grab the clothes from him as he nods.

“You should really organize your underwear drawer. It took too long to find your old....” Your eyes widened and your cheeks burned red as you slammed the door in Levi’s face.

You can hear Farlan’s laughter as you grit your teeth in embarrassment and anger.

“Ugh. Morons.” You mumbled underneath your breath and crouched next to the tub to continue washing the girl.

Another few minutes were spent in silence as you gradually cleaned all the filth from her body, the water becoming muddy. You grabbed the hair wash and began to scrub at her scalp, sighs escaping her every once in a while, when you scratched at a particular spot; rinsing her hair with clean water, making sure to clean her off as gently as you could.

The previously tense atmosphere slowly fades, a calm silence washing over the both of you. When she finally spoke, it was so low you almost didn’t hear her.

“Isabel.” Her voice was scratchy from misuse and thirst. “Isabel Magnolia.”

You grinned at her as she finally turned to look at you. You noticed her eyes were a shade of green you had never seen before. Like a shade of emerald from the different stones you had read about in your book.

“(Y/N). It’s nice to meet you Isabel. The idiot on the couch is Farlan, and the neat freak is Levi.”

“We can hear you!” Farlan screamed in protest.

Isabel grinned a bit and nodded as you rolled your eyes at Farlan’s remark.

“As long as you can use a broom you’ll survive.”

Isabel tilted her head in confusion. “A broom?” She raises her eyebrows in surprise, and you nod.

“You have so much to learn.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………….................

While you and Isabel began to converse in the bathroom, Levi sat on the couch and focused on polishing his knife. He didn’t know what possessed him to bring the girl back, but when he had caught sight of her on the dirty ground, he knew he couldn’t just leave her there.

She reminded him too much of himself. She reminded him of you. He could hear her begin to slowly let down her guard and talk more about herself to you, and it was then he realized maybe it was because she had that same innocent quality that you did.

A sort of gentle curiosity, a naivety that reminded him of you when the two of you were younger. He felt the urge to protect her when he saw her. A feeling he hadn’t experienced since he dragged you back home with him all that time ago.

Maybe you were right. Maybe it was time he learned to trust that things wouldn’t always turn out wrong…… Maybe he could have a chance at having a family.


	6. Envy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dynamic between you and Levi begins to shift towards an uncomfortable space. The question is, why does it bother you as much as it does?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Hope you're all staying safe and healthy. Firstly, I just wanted to say that I appreciate every single one of you for leaving comments, leaving kudos, bookmarking, and even clicking and reading this story! It means a lot to me. I never expected the amount of feedback, so a very big thanks to all of you <3 Secondly, I apologize for the time gaps between updates but since I have a large board exam in the coming months it may be few and far in between. However, I'm not giving up on this story and I am excited to see where it takes us. This chapter is focused more towards the relationship between Levi and the reader. I thought it'd be interesting to write from the perspective of late teen/early adult Levi who seeks what many at that age do. Please feel free to leave your thoughts, and comments below or where you think the story will go next. Until next time <3

Isabel turned out to be very talkative once she deemed you were trustworthy. She told you everything from how she didn’t really know who her parents were, and if she had any family at all, to how she was living on the streets with a group of friends who would take turns stealing food.

_‘Those must’ve been the people that were around her. Looks like they gave into the hunger.’_

She told you about how much she loved animals and how many times she got into trouble for trying to sneak past the stairwells to release birds that had fallen and gotten their wings injured.

“I’ve seen you guys, you know. All of us have. Flying around with the gear that the Military Police use. I’ve always been so jealous. I’d give anything to be able to fly like that; like the birds that I take care of.”

You smiled gently at her. “One day you will. There’s a reason that Levi picked you out of all the others we’ve passed on the streets. He might not seem like it on the outside, but he’s very caring once you get to know him.”

She looked down at the muddy, dirty water and nodded. “A lot of people used to pass by us and laugh. He’s the first one that stopped to see if one of us was alive. He must be really strong.”

You nodded as you helped her out and gave her a towel and a clean set of clothes.“He is strong. He’s the strongest person I know.” Isabel shyly fiddles with her hands. “Thanks, y’know…. For cleaning me up. Giving me clothes.”

You shook your head at her. “Don’t worry about it. Those clothes don’t really fit anymore anyways. You keep them, soon we’ll get you new ones.” She looks up at you in amazement. “You guys get new clothes all the time?”

You felt your chest twist in sadness and pity. “Yes. It’s one of the perks of being in a well-to-do gang like ours. You’ll get the hang of it soon.”

Isabel nods excitedly. “Will big bro teach me how to work the new maneuver gear?” You furrowed your brow in confusion. “Big bro? Oh! You mean Levi?” Isabel shrugs. “He’s older and grumpy, kinda like one of the guys that I knew… he always took care of us cause we were younger.”

“The first thing you need to remember when dealing with ‘big bro’ is that he is very clean and meticulous, and he’s very serious. It might take time for him to get used to having you with us. Don’t take anything he does or says too personally.”

Isabel scratches her head in thought and raises a brow. “Me…met-met….iculous? What does that mean?” She looks down to the floor and shakes her head in embarrassment.

“It’s just…. I don’t know any fancy words like that. Never learned how to read, never learned math. Too busy trying not to die. I’m not useful.”

You put a finger under her chin to raise her head up, so she can meet your eyes. “Hey. There’s no need to feel embarrassed about that. You couldn’t help your situation. Now, we can. I’ll teach you everything you need to know about reading, about writing, we’ll even go over math together. Best of all, I’ve got a book that talks about many animals with pictures and all.”

Isabel’s eyes glisten with unshed tears. “You… you mean it? You’re gonna teach me all of that?”

You smile at her. “Sure. By the time we’ve covered everything, you’ll be smarter than Farlan.”

She laughs and nods, wiping away her tears. “Okay.”

“I’ll set up a space for you and then get started on dinner. You can flip through whatever books you want or pick out any clothes you like from my old stash.” Isabel rushes forward and pulls you into a tight hug.

“Thanks (Y/N).” A warm feeling enveloped your bones and coursed through your veins. Perhaps this was what Levi felt towards seeing her all muddied and alone. She was just a kid, like the two of you were not too long ago. She had no one she could rely on. Just like Farlan.

Even if Levi played it off, you understood why he had taken her in. He had a feeling of fierce protectiveness upon seeing another being that reminded him of himself. Of you. He would never admit that maybe he was softening up. Maybe he had actually listened to you, had learned that taking a risk would not always lead to disaster.

“You’re welcome Isabel.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………......................

You found him on the roof. Staring out towards the huge city, with all the yellow and orange lights, the buildings aglow with signs of life. Life never slowed down in the underground. There was always bustling noise, always some form of chaos around every corner. It was impossible to feel any form of peace down here.

Levi sat with one leg dangling over the edge and the other one bent, as his arm was propped up onto his knee. He had always liked to sit and stare at the lights for as long as you can remember. You figured it was because his early life was shrouded in the darkness of that small room.

He couldn’t stand to be indoors for too long and you couldn’t blame him. Levi always had to keep busy or else his mind would wander towards particular subjects or memories you know he’s not too keen on recalling.

You sat next to him in silence and began to watch the city as well. It had been such a long time since you had done this with him. It was an unspoken activity between the two of you for as long as you could remember. Just the privilege of basking in each other’s presence. No words needed to be said.

Your eyes began to wander from the view of the lights, to the person you most enjoyed watching them with. Here, in the dim glow of a city that hadn’t been kind to you is where you realize just how much he’s changed.

Levi used to be skin and bones, with not many defining features except for the haunting depths of his misty eyes. His body had been relatively small for his age, and it seemed he was not destined to tower over people.

But… now, as you let your eyes glaze over his form you noticed just how porcelain his skin is. The veins that ran down the side of his neck visible to you in the dim light. His hair freshly cut fell to just past his eyes. A smooth obsidian that shone in the light and flowed elegantly every time he moved.

His jaw was now more defined than you remembered it. The distinct urge to trace the outline of his face with your fingers stronger than you ever felt before. His ebony eyelashes curtaining his piercing orbs, which were now focused on the distance in deep thought. His straight, pointed nose that seemed to enhance the beauty of his profile. His full lips that were now pursed in concentration. His Adam’s apple bobbing every now and then pulled your attention to his long, elegant neck.

Levi’s shoulders were broader, his arms defined, and with his sleeves pulled up towards his elbows you could see the veins coursing through them. He had been gaining muscle tone in his chest and abdomen, as far as you could tell from the way his shirt defined what lay underneath. Even his thighs had become stout and shapely.

Your eyes widened as you snapped your gaze from him. _‘What… why is it so uncomfortable all of a sudden? By the walls… I hope he didn’t notice me staring.’_ You felt a calloused hand pull your face towards the handsome visage you had been admiring.

Levi’s eyes pierced through your soul as he smirked, and a glint of amusement shone in them. “Like what you see (Y/N)? You’ve been staring so long, might’ve just drawn a portrait. It would last longer.”

He watched, mirth in his eyes as you flushed and shook your head. “No… No, I wasn’t staring at you idiot. I just happened to notice that you need a haircut.”

He clicks his tongue and rolls his eyes. “You’re a shitty liar. Never learned how to lie correctly after all these years.” You crossed your arms and grinned. “Not all of us want to learn the art of deception.”

Levi glances towards you and focuses his gaze back on the city. “You should. Could come in handy one day.” You sighed. “Do we always have to talk about work? Can’t you just ease up for once?” Levi scoffed and gave a bored look. “Fine. What do you want to talk about?”

You smiled evilly and clapped your hands together. “Now that you mention it, we can talk about how I was right.”

He groans and leans back on his elbows. “My favorite subject in the world.” You snickered and sat straight, turning towards him and nodding matter-of-factly, “Well, it’s true. I never thought I would see the day you would actually invite someone to live with us. Maybe that little thing called trust isn’t so bad after all?”

“We’ll see what happens. Hopefully it doesn’t become a shit show.” You laughed. “Ah. Levi, ever the optimist. At least if she learns how to clean, she will be prepared for all she will have to face in life.”

Levi snorts, “Keep laughing, but it’s true. That’s the first thing you need to know if you want to survive this dirty, shitty place.” You nod sarcastically. “I’m sure everyone would agree with that.”

Levi sits up and the corners of his lips twitch upward. “At least the people who aren’t pigs like you.” His face breaking into a half-grin at the sight of your offended face. “I will smother you with a dirty rag in your sleep.” Levi chuckles for a short moment, and it was a melodious sound. One of your favorite sounds in the world was the rare, deep laughs he occasionally allowed. It was even more special because you were one of the only people who caused the brief miracle sporadically.

"You did good with her. You’re always annoyingly good with people.” Your lips stretched into a smile at the rarely attained compliment. “You should try it sometime. Not as hard as it looks.”

He stares at your form with an evocative look. “Hmm…. We’ll see.”

“You’re sweet for doing that. You know, she’s even started calling you big bro.” Levi’s brow raised in questioning. “Big bro?” You nodded, “First time I’ve heard someone call you that.” He shrugs in nonchalance, and as he stood and announced he was going back inside to start dinner you smiled to yourself.

_‘Seems he’s got a soft spot for her already.’_

……………………………………………………………………………………………………

Isabel was a needed addition, you had concluded. As the months went on and she brightened the house with her cheery disposition, excitable curiosity, and open amazement the atmosphere of the whole house changed. It was a disaster teaching her how to clean at first, but greatly amusing to you and Farlan, who had watched as Levi taught her how to grip a broom, swipe a dusty surface and scrub the windows.

Watching her learn about maneuver gear was even more amusing, as it was practice for your healing abilities. The number of times she came back with a sprained or broken limb and a scolding from Levi had been endless. Once she picked it up, she made any excuse she could just to be able to fly and feel the breeze on her face. Levi never said a word about it, only simply handed Farlan whatever amount was needed to resupply.

Not particularly adept at fighting, she was being well trained by Levi. Not once did she complain about it. She simply took instruction and approached it with a fierce determination to prove to the three of you that she could learn what she was being taught.

However, the time that she came alive the most was at nightly lessons. When after struggling with math, and writing until her hand became sore, she could finally learn about all the different animals that lived above ground. The ones that the monsters outside the walls didn’t spare a second glace to.

She spoke about owning a farm when you all made it above ground. Of course, according to her it couldn’t be too far from the city where you would be residing with Levi and Farlan because she planned on visiting every week.

Those were the hours you were at ease the most. When she would ramble on about all the things the four of you would do once you left the Underground. Levi never stopped her either. He would simply polish his knife and listen in silence as she spoke to her heart’s content.

As the months went on and you began to stay at home more than you had before, while Levi and Farlan went out on jobs or to bars, Isabel kept you company. When the nights would become longer and soon it was Levi going out alone and coming home in the early hours of the morning, she would struggle to stay awake to talk to you.

Weeks went on without Levi asking you to accompany him on any jobs, outings or walks. He would simply greet you and talk about the mundane chores that were to be done at the house while he began to take Isabel and Farlan to the gang meetings held each month.

He claimed she needed “real world training” and that the book lessons were the least of her worries. You said nothing as he began to show up late to dinner. As you sat and stared at his empty space on the couch or had to store his food away for whenever he decided he wanted to eat at home.

Isabel and Farlan kept you company as he started to act more distant. Soon, he was out every night and you never bothered to make him any food. They reassured you he was busy, and that he just wanted to keep you safe.

You knew it was more than that. He wanted to keep you safe no doubt, but on his terms.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

You sat on the couch, a candle flickering on the small table beside you as you delved into the tales you read in your childhood. Reading distracted you only for a short time before you would grow restless. Your mind was a jumble of confusion but mostly anger.

Anger at the situation, and anger at Levi. Mostly anger at yourself. When did you decide to become this docile, compliant person who only stayed at home cleaning, reading and tending to wounds? When did you let yourself be backed into this domestic corner?

Did Levi seriously expect you to stay at home forever? Did he expect to ignore and avoid you for months without you saying something to him about it? Did he think that you weren’t observant? That you didn’t notice the stench of sweat every time he came back? That he rarely spared you a grunt in acknowledgement on the way to his room? How his eyes didn’t seem to meet yours, almost as if he couldn’t even look at you?

Your mind began swimming with the possibilities. Maybe he was getting into brawls for extra money. Perhaps he began making deals with the bar owners. He could’ve even began dealing with the MP’s for illegal weaponry.

All of those ideas seemed a little far-fetched but not impossible. The idea you had in mind was less than pleasant to think about, but it was the most plausible one.

It had started with a strand of ginger hair in his load of laundry. Laundry you had been doing more of on the days he wasn’t home. The idea continued with the suspicious amount of long-sleeved button-up shirts he favored to cover up the dark markings and scratches on his body. It ended with the jasmine fragrance that lingered on his pants and shirts.

You had gone to the market in curiosity only to discover that fragrance was sold in only one specific part of town where a friendly gang resided. The second you had discovered the feminine store there, you left in embarrassment and fury. Why did you even care enough to go through the mission of investigating?

Perhaps you were imagining things or jumping to conclusions. Justifying it would ease the uneasiness of the reality that was slowly sinking in.

You were snapped back to reality when the door creaked open, and the light from outside poured in. Levi quietly stepped through and shut the door behind him, meeting your gaze from the couch.

His hair was disheveled and unkempt, the top three buttons of his shirt were undone, and the bottom half was hastily tucked into his pants. He held his cloak in his hand as he blinked back at you in slight bewilderment.

“Shouldn’t you be asleep?” He moved passed you and hung his cloak onto the rack, then placed his knife on the table. You crossed your arms and stared holes into his back. “Shouldn’t you be at home at this time?”

Levi snorted derisively and turned to give you a scathing look. “Didn’t know I had a curfew.” You laughed sarcastically and shrugged. “I didn’t know that you still lived here. Thought you moved somewhere else.”

Levi starts to brew himself tea and keeps his back turned towards you. _‘Now the asshole can’t even spare me a glance?’_

“I don’t have to answer to you (Y/N). I’m an adult.” You huffed and stood. “I don’t have to stay at home like a goddamned housewife Levi, because I’m old enough to do as I please, but I do it on the notion of your bullshit excuse to keep me ‘safe”.

Levi slams the tea kettle down onto the stove and turns to face you, scrutinizing you from head to toe. “If you have something to say, spit it out. Or are you going to bullshit me around the whole night?”

“No, I’m not you, so I’ll just get straight to the point. What on earth is going on around here lately? You’ve been ignoring me for months, coming home late, taking out Isabel and Farlan on jobs and keeping me locked in here, bored out of my mind. I’m just as capable as they are, and we’re supposed to be partners. There’s supposed to be no secrets between any of us.”

Levi opens his mouth to retaliate but is cut off by Isabel’s yawn. She stands in her night clothes, rubbing an eye sleepily. “You guys are so loud, what’s going on?” Farlan shuffles in behind her and crosses his arms. “Yeah, you’re waking up the whole neighborhood.”

“Oh. Good, you’re awake. I was just asking Levi why he was acting so shady these past months. I can’t be the only one to have noticed this.” Farlan and Isabel cringe and stare at each other in nervousness, eyes widened.

“Well….. I…”

Levi waves a hand at them and steps forward. “They have nothing to do with this. I’m out making a living for them, for our gang, and for you.”

You narrowed your eyes. “And?” He furrows his brows. “And what?”

“What else are you doing?” Levi stares at you for the longest time. His foot is tapping on the floor impatiently as he contemplates how to approach this topic. The middle of the night, in front of his family is not how he envisioned this being talked about.

“You’re sleeping with someone aren’t you?” You breathed heavily as the anger coursed through your body. Here he was, avoiding you all these months when he could’ve told you from the beginning.

“If it was to keep me safe, why are you avoiding telling just me specifically? Huh? You care about Isabel and Farlan but you’re not giving them the same treatment. So much for trust, huh?”

Levi’s mouth open and closes as he contemplates what to say when you stomp towards the rack and grab your cloak. He grabs your arm as you’re nearing the front door and you rip yourself from his touch. He growls. “Where the hell are you going (Y/N)? It’s three in the morning.”

You sneer at him and swing the front door open. “I don’t have to answer to you.” The door slams, the sound reverberating through the small house. Levi stood staring at the door, processing what had just happened when a voice cuts through the air.

“That…. did not go well.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………

The next few minutes were a blur, considering just how furious you were. Ignoring all the stares and catcalls you received, you only had one goal in mind. Get as far away from that house as possible, for as long as possible.

You couldn’t believe what had just happened. Your suspicions had been correct all along. Levi had been sleeping with someone else and attempting to keep it a secret from you, all while pushing you away.

You were supposed to be his best friend. His confidant. Instead, he treated you as if you were a stranger. Not even worthy enough to find out he had taken that first huge step towards adulthood. It was like he was leaving you behind. Moving so fast you couldn’t catch up.

As you reached a secluded enough area for you to sit, the real question was eating you alive. Was it the fact that he kept a secret and pushed you away, or was it that he was even sleeping with someone else in the first place that bothered you so much?

If it did…. Why? The two of you were only friends…… right? That’s all you had been for the longest time. That’s all you had known. You were aware Levi was handsome, intelligent and strong, but…. that’s all it was. Someone was bound to see that in him as well.

_‘I can’t expect him to tell me everything about his personal life. We’re not together. We never were. It’s not like I’m in love with him. We’re family…...at least we’re supposed to be.’_

“If he doesn’t care, why should I? Why shouldn’t I experience life as he does?”

You stood and walked towards the bars he had most likely left not too long ago.

‘ _Two can play at that game.’_


End file.
